Searching for Biscuit's ideal woman

Biscuit

Since we are in the Land of Opportunity (or of churros and ENORMOUS pancakes) I should sieze this chance to find my ideal woman.

Unfortunately,I’ve not really been sure what this was and it’s taken a lot dating to try and figure it out. Thankfully I have discovered that someone has been browsing the ‘Dream girl catalogue’ and has recreated ‘Biscuit’s super deluxe dream girl’ on the big screen.

I watched ‘Scott Pilgrim Vs The World’ with my mouth open in astonishment whilst Toast occasionally grinned at me with a knowing look.

In a complete realistic venture, which is not in any way doomed to failure, I am now looking for a real life equivalent of Ramona Flowers.

Seemingly, the following combination of characteristics render me utterly helpless:

• bright pink/blue/green hair
• quirkily pretty
• achingly cool
• sultry American accent
• dry, almost arid sense of humour
• wryly mysterious
• alternative/hipster stylings
• seemingly distant until you break through the shell, then affectionate and warm
• slightly troubled but fixable
• rollerskates that melt snow
• mean ninja fighting  moves with a giant mallet

I’m not saying that a future spouse has to possess all or any of these qualities, just that they made me go all weak kneed and made me need a glass of cold water and a little sit down.

Unfortunately the only person I know even slightly like this lives even further away than New York and was born over a decade too late to be a possibility.

As I’ve only got a week, if any American readers can point me in the direction of real-world Ramona then I’ll put you on a great table at the wedding, one where you can see Toast singing. and give you an honarary mention in the speech.

Marriage percentage of real-world Ramona: 100%

I suppose I had better be extra nice all year if I’m going to try and swing this one with Father Christmas in December. Hell, we’re in New York for a week, I imagine I’ll probably bump into her on the street, right?

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