Toast gets set up with a starlet and drinks too many cocktails
The first half of this post is going to sound a bit stalker-ish but hold on it’s worth it.
Ages ago I got into an American TV show. So on Twitter I followed the writers and a few members of the cast including an extremely pretty woman.
She posted very amusing tweets, let’s call her Olivia because that’s not her name. Fairly normal so far.
Well over a year later I had a meeting with someone to discuss some business stuff. Nothing came of it but we got on and followed each other on Twitter. How modern.
Last week Olivia tweeted at the person I had a meeting about how she was coming to London and they should go out.
I saw this and thought ‘This blog has caused some amazing adventures, and the main lesson from it is just go for stuff, take a chance’.
Okay, I didn’t think exactly that I thought ‘OMG SHE IS COMING TO LONDON AND HE KNOWS HER I WONDER IF I CAN MEET HER’
So I emailed the guy and said this
Hi Mr Man,
I hope you are well.
I saw on Twitter that Olivia is going to visit your club on Thursday. I was wondering if it might be okay to pop in to say hello?
I’ve got such a crush on her, and it was a shame I missed her last time she was causing mayhem in London.
If it’s a off-the-radar visit for party times, so a bit of a no-no then I completely understand.
All the best,
He replied, and the key bit was
She is indeed fabulous – v good friend. Would be happy to introduce you. This thurs!
Bring a crew and I’ll sort you out a table if you like. On us. Then it’s not so obvious!
So he was going to introduce us. Huzzah! What a star!
The worst night ever
The plan was to meet at the club at 11. I had thing to do so I met up with my chums in a bar for a quick drink before going to the club. Biscuit was waiting outside with Jen.
We got into the VIP queue bit. The man in front of us got denied entry because he hadn’t booked. I told the door lady who I was and how I should be on a list somewhere.
She went away. For ages. And ages.
I got to stand around awkwardly while Biscuit, Jen and my chums looked me and said things ‘look it’s okay if we can’t get in we can find another club’.
They were only half joking.
The lady appeared and ushered us in. I had been told we’d have a table but there was no record of this. The man hadn’t turned up yet either.
We stood around and then bought some very, very expensive cocktails.
We drank them and the man still hadn’t turned up with Olivia. So we bought some more expensive cocktails.
The evening was starting to get very expensive. The club was rammed too, so people get bumping into us it, well it wasn’t that good an evening.
I apologised to everyone, I’d dragged them out to a busy club to spend a fortune on booze.
Then one of my chums suggested we get a huge cocktail to share. So we did. It involved a fireball. It was amazing. The fireball must have scared some people off because we suddenly had a table and a stupid drink.
The man tweeted me to say he was in the club with Olivia.
The best night ever
I tried to spot the man but I couldn’t see him so I circled the club a few times. No joy at all. Then, the sea of trustifarians parted and I saw him and I saw her.
She was much taller than I expected, and my word she was pretty. She was wearing black Basque-like top with a pink ruffled skirt, black tights and giant black heels. They were some serious shoes.
I said hello to the chap and he made the introductions. Olivia was extremely friendly. She complimented my trousers and asked to try a bit of my drink. She was quite tactile, but in a nice way.
A huge treasure chest of booze turned up with fireworks. We started drinking it and talking about how I knew the man and what she was doing here. You know little stuff.
Some more booze turned up on my chums table so went over and joined in the fun there. I was trying to play it cool of course.
Then I got Biscuit to make Olivia a balloon dog. It would be an understatement to say this was a big hit. She adored it and took loads of photos of us with the dog. Biscuit was then forced to make more and more balloon things including his infamous rude hat.
They went down brilliantly, more pictures were taken.
Olivia and I chatted some more, this time about you know, longer term plans and stuff. I said there would be dance off later, and while we might be friendly here there were no friends on the dance floor. She laughed.
Introduced her to my chums and she was perfectly charming. Jen said she thought Olivia was in to me. I tried not to get too excited.
I bounced between the two tables trying not to linger around her too often but really enjoying talking to Olivia about all sorts of stuff.
Play it cool Toast. Play it cool.
Rescuing a lady
Out of the blue another of the man’s friends grabbed me, a pretty red head with an extremely expensive haircut. She was with a chap who was being a bit forward and said she needed me to rescue her from him.
She asked me to save her so I did and we got chatting.
She had a boyfriend but was with another man who was being a bit weird. I said she could hide with us if she wanted so she joined our table. Introduced her to everyone and we got chatting.
She said I was cute. I said thank you. Then she said I smelled amazing. I said thank you again.
For a moment it looked like she was about to kiss me and then she pulled away and danced off into the club. I didn’t see her again but she had made a point of memorising my name from my business card.
After a few more drinks with my chums I returned to chatting to Olivia in a corner of the nightclub. We had really in-depth chat. She has a boyfriend, but he is new and she said she wasn’t so sure about him. We talked about boxing (she does it too) and a load of other things.
Proper things that you talk to people you properly know, not strange men in nightclubs who happen to have nice trousers.
Teaching an iPhone to pretend to be a Blackberry
She made me install an app on my phone so we could chat like people do with Blackberries, and entered her phone number into my phone. She also made me tweet a special keyword at her so she could follow me back.
We went out for a cigarette, she smoked I was just company, and talked some more about things, about London and hidden things and relationships.
I have to admit my memory is a bit hazy but at the time (I was utterly mashed by this point) I remember thinking it was nice and that she was really interesting. Really, really clever. Clever is good.
There was more drinking and more dancing, possibly a bit of a dance off. More photos were taken of us together, on her phone. There were a lot of photos that night.
It was 3am and the club was closing.
We said goodbyes, with great sadness. She said that she was working all day but that we should try to go out again before she leaves.
Biscuit, Jen and I got into a cab and went home. I had three hours of sleep and then had to go to work still drunk. It was totally worth it.
I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again. Of course I’d love to, but even if I don’t I think that’s fine too, in it’s own way. We had one perfect magical London evening and sometimes that’s enough.
- Forcing Biscuit to make things out of balloons to impress girls always works.
- Asking random people to do you a big favour also works.
- It’s possible to sort of go on a date with almost anyone if you set your mind to it.
- London is amazing. Just Amazing.
- Everyone loves a dance-off.