Serbian Wedding: Part 4 a review of the Square Nine Hotel in Belgrade

Toast

The day after the wedding we had to all check out. Most people were going home but we’d decided to stay an extra day and to stay in a place with a pool. I’d really wanted to do some swimming while on holiday. The Theatre Producer couldn’t find anywhere with an outdoor pool in Belgrade so we ended up booking a room in the Square Nine Hotel.

After we’d packed up our stuff and checked out the wedding party went to a restaurant in Belgrade for a ‘brunch’. You know a light meal, before disappeared into the sunset.

The restaurant was on a cobbled street in Belgrade that was full of other places to eat and looked very pretty. We ate upstairs, the walls were retractable so it was like eating a tree-house. One with an in-exhaustible supply of food.

We were served the classic Serbian starter of meat and cheese. It was lovely and accompanied with a glass of excellent red wine (holiday wine always tastes the best).

After the starter we were all full and enjoying the wine so of course our hosts appeared with more meats and vegetables. We tried to eat as much as possible but after a weekend of Serbian eating we were struggling. At least there were only three meats, so that was a saving grace.

When the brunch was done we waddled around saying goodbyes before heading off in search of our new hotel which appeared to be only a few streets away.

Luggage in tow we rattled down some very pretty streets. We would have got entirely lost too if The Theatre Producer couldn’t read the Cyrillic alphabet. We had a rough map in English but the street signs were in Cyrillic. I don’t know how to pronounce the little one that looks like triangle on a picnic table or any of that.

After not getting lots at all we found the hotel. It was a new build on the outside, looking a bit smarter and more planned than the rest of the buildings in the square.

Square Nine Hotel

We walked in. It was all hushed and softly lit like an episode of the West Wing. We spoke to a very polite man on reception who whispered in reply to our questions. Well ‘don’t tell anyone this’ type whispers but ‘Very good sir, I don’t want to speak any louder for fear of straining your eardrums unduly’

The room was on the third floor and was amazing. Lots of clean lines and soft furnishings. I have never dived on a more comfortable bed or been more jealous of a writing area ever. There was even one of those leather place setting things for you to write your great American novel on, well not on, you know to put the paper on.

There were also a lot of buttons to control the different lighting levels, the curtains and the James Bond villain-esq black-out blinds. It would be fair to say they got a fairly extensive test while The Theatre Producer was having a shower. It was like a sedate disco.

The Theatre Producer was raving about the shower, which was like turning a monsoon off or on, but sadly our bathroom was being a bit naughty and not draining properly. We called reception and they immediately put us in a new room with a  bed that hadn’t been jumped on and gave us each chocolates to eat.

Post chocolates I went down to have a swim in the pool below the hotel. It was the best pool I’ve ever been too for the following reasons.

• The moment I arrived a very polite man gave me a dressing gown to wear.
• And some shoes.
• No-one else was there.
• The pool was underground but there was a skylight. Amazing.
• There were funny devices at the edge of the pool for eating up the waves so it was the least splashy pool I had ever been in.
• There was a gym bit too, I played with the weights and then played the pool again.
• And a jacuzzi, one made out of wood so it was like boiling yourself in a bucket.
• There was also a steam room. I lasted ten minutes before I gave up.
• The super fluffy towels were stored what looked like a pirate treasure chest

I continued on a cycle of swimming, broiling myself and occasionally reading a book on a sun lounger. It was a good way to spend an evening. The Theatre Producer joined me for a bit too.

After swimming a lot, I think for about an hour, it was time to go out for food. So we got on our posh clothes and set off.

Supper

We had decided to let fate decide where we would eat, walked out the door saw the menu for the in-house restaurant and immediately turned around and tried that. It sounded amazingly swish and was shockingly cheap.

The food that followed was amazing. A pea soup amuse bouche then gazpacho soup (we both chose that) served in an excitingly original way.

TP had some fish thing that was great and I had gnocchi, well something like gnocchi. Every dish was delicious and then served in a redicilously over the top way. Think Masterchef but far more polite, they kept giving us little sample dishes between courses like an attentive parent.

For pudding I had knickerbocker glory (great) and TP had Black Forest Gateau which was one of the best things I’ve ever put in my mouth.

Much later we retired back to our room and fell asleep in the huge, lovely bed. The next morning I got up at 7 to get in a pre-breakfast swim, TP wanted to do some further testing of the bed.

Later in the morning we went down for breakfast which was also excellent. We had a selection of exciting pastries as well as Eggs Benedict and some extremely good coffee.

If you are ever in Belgrade stay in the Square Nine Hotel

The journey home

With much sadness we got a cab back to the airport, queued and then got onto our flights, stopping only to buy a selection of sweets with rude names and very large Toblerone bars. Two Swiss flights later (and two more chocolates) we were back in a very wet, very damp London.

Lessons learned

• Serbians eat a lot of meat
• There isn’t that much to do in Belgrade, but it is nice
• If in doubt, order the Black Forest Gateau
• Going on holiday with a girl isn’t always a disaster

My first nice holiday with a girl was over, and I think I’d even go so far as to say I’d like to do it again.

Read Part 1: Part 2: Part 3

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