Who is Biscuit?

Name: Biscuit (It’s my secret blog name, innit)

Age: 33

Occupation: A mix of grown up stuff and very childish stuff

Dating history:

2007 – 2009. ‘Cupcake’

An initially extremely intense relationship that had Biscuit considering breaking the rule of a lifetime and proposing after only 6 weeks (which THANKFULLY he did not!). However the initial euphoria turned to dystopia as Cupcake spent the remaining 14 months of the relationship systematically destroying Biscuit’s trust, happiness and sanity. Cupcake is the second girlfriend that Biscuit has lived with and the only one he has genuinely considered marrying. She also had the most fantastic norks.

2004-2007. ‘Aussie’

Aussie was sufficiently alluring to make Biscuit jack in his job (on the promise of getting it back again, admittedly) and move to the Antipodies to live with her for a year.  Nothing catastrophic happened but the relationship gradually broke down, as these things do. This process was catalysed by Aussie’s frustration that Biscuit is an atheist and didn’t believe in an after life or little tadpoles of energy that wriggle around us everywhere and you can only see by going a bit cross eyed. He decided that was the last time that he would date anyone who was into ‘spiritualism’.

1999 – 2004. ‘Marshall‘

Biscuit first met Marshall at a mutual friend’s party and was impressed when he saw her bobbing for fruit in the big plastic box of home-made punch. This was always a long distance relationship, mostly confined to weekends. Marshall broke it off in the end (which was rubbish at the time) but they are now very good chums.

1996-1996. ‘Dynamo’

Biscuit’s first ‘proper’ relationship.  Broke up due to parting of ways for university. Dynamo is part of the long standing group of friends but still has occasional personality clashes with Biscuit at times. Dynamo also turned to religion after the breakup (not BECAUSE of the breakup!). This has  resulted in many charged conversations on that subject over the years. Biscuit has since decided that he could never date anyone into ‘God’, even just a little bit (although had to further add to that rule after ‘Aussie’.  See above).

Key weaknesses:

A glint of trouble in the eyes and a wicked grin. Also short cute girls with coloured hair. Also bunches. Bunches in combination with any of the above are a DANGEROUS and IRRESISTIBLE force.