Most of this holiday I have been laid up with the ills. 3 weeks and counting. Whilst this may have brought joy to some as I have lost my voice completely several times, it has been somewhat wearing on me and hasn’t exactly encouragedme to pursue girls as I have been feeling less than sexy. The inability to do any exercise has also destroyed my enthusiasm to do anything productive whatsover.
I also pretty much lost my voice when I was on the last date with Little Miss Naughty so social occasions anywhere I have to talk much or raise my voice above very low conversation are pretty much out of the question.
I don’t mean to whinge (well, maybe a little), I’m just painting you a picture of why I may be somewhat less than active with dating or writing.
I’ve also had a bit of a ribbing from Toast about my marriage percentage for Little Miss Naughty falling. He’s noticed a pattern whereby I get very enthusiastic about someone, then seem to lose interest and follow the next shiny thing.
I’ve been giving this a lot of thought because I don’t want to be one of those people who only pursue the unobtainable and get bored once they are interested. It’s a very unattractive quality in a person so I have been mulling over the girls who I have shown significant enthusiasm. In an effort to establish a pattern I have decided to do some science. Get your lab coats and safety glasses on and turn to page 312 of your copy book.
Lashes - I have stopped pursuing her because I am not really getting signals back from her anymore and have been tentatively warned off by a mutual friend because she is a bit of a heartbreaker.
Summary: Still interested but she’s evidently not.
Noir - I WAS rather keen but have cooled off over a few dates as I found I enjoyed spending time with her but have not been excited about dates so have cooled it off.
Summary: Was over keen, gradually lost romantic interest.
Elizabeth - I was over keen, then realised I just didn’t fancy her when we met up for a date.
Summary: Was over keen, suddenly lost romantic interest.
Fuckwittery - We got on like a proverbial burning abode before we even met, had a few very fun meets but both the complexity of her knowing about the blog in advance and her rather erratic careering between extremes of emotion made it obvious that being chums is a much better course of action.
Summary: Got on far too well and was over keen.
Cola Lollies - I was very interested but always felt like I should have been way more keen. Given how generally awesome she is it totally baffles me why I am not more romantically interested in her.
Summary: I WANT to be more into her but don’t understand why I’m not.
Stripy Dress: This was the first girl in a long time I was very interested in. I still would be if she hadn’t dicked me around a bit and suddenly gone really cold with no explanation.
Summary : Very disappointing, was interested in taking it further with her.
a) Was keen but no longer romantically interested in girl: 3
b) Girl lost interest even though I was still keen: 2
c) WANT to b more interested in the girl but am not: 1
Both categories ‘a’ and ‘b’ fall within the behaviour pattern of ‘being interested until a girl is interested back then losing interest’. Just because 5 out of the 6 girls, on the face of it, fall within this pattern it does not necessarily mean that I am succumbing to this behaviour, but it does not bode well. No wonder Toast is not overly keen about me dating any of his friends.
I do genuinely believe that if Stripy Dress had not been such a spaz then I would not have lost interest. I was still very keen when it looked like she was reciprocating the feelings. Notably if I cast my mind back to the very start with cupcake I sustained the keenness when she was interested too.
It could be that I have just not had the right girl reciprocate my interest yet, that the ones I have not sustained romantic feeling for are just not right for me.
It could also be that I have to face up to some bad behaviour that will not be getting me married any time soon.
Lesson to learn
CALM DOWN!!!! Seriously, at least until I have had a couple of dates with the girl, then I am allowed to get break out the party poppers and make Toast do that glazed look where I waffle on about a girl ad nauseum (in between waffling about my favourite gun in Borderlands).
Whilst I can’t control how I feel about someone, if I keep calm then hopefully I can avoid my disappointment, prevent theirs and potentially sustain my interest.
Thing is, I REALLY have no self control! Perhaps I need to use some kind of adapted sexual climax delaying technique like thinking of dead kittens when I get too excited.
Oh… I don’t think of dead kittens when I…err… never mind.
Yes it’s been quiet of late. The reason being that I haven’t seen the Fez because of work and currently I don’t really want to see anyone else.
I know this is a dangerous tactic, but I am a fool, it’s a defining characteristic.
Anyway. Biscuit and I were talking about girls and things and we realised that men have three speeds or modes when it comes to dating.
1) I Wouldn’t touch you with someones else’s naughty bits.
2) Don’t want to marry you, but would touch you with my wink-wonk when drunk.
3) MARRY ME.
Girls have an extra stage 1.5) I don’t fancy you but I’ll let you take me out for lots of meals and buy me presents. Then when I meet someone I fancy I’ll say ‘lets just be friends… so I can tell you in excruciating detail what a shit they are while still dating them.’
Not that I’m bitter.
I am my own worst enemy.
I KNOW what I should do post break up. I am just rubbish at doing it. I decided to totally cut the ex (‘Cupcake’) out of my life when we broke up. It sort of worked. However the allure of the forbidden is so strong that I found I hankered after contact just because I was not allowed. I’m terribly bad with things I’m not allowed.
After a long period of time I have settled on polite replies to the occasional texts I get. I find this messes with my head the least.
In retrospect, my relationship with Cupcake reminds me of some stand up material from a comic I now can’t identify: “I’ve just split up with my girlfriend. We were into different things. I was into life… she was into sucking it out of me”.
I would like to echo Toast’s call for some reliable method of mental-girl detection. This should be a field of serious scientific endeavour as the potential benefits to mankind are mammoth.
It is a total mystery to me how some girls can just get under your skin. I really can’t put my finger on it.
…although… it’s just possible it might be the norks.
So, for the future I have resolved the following:
- Date girls. PROPERLY actually date them, several times. This will give me many chances to work out if they show any warning signs.
- Avoid getting all doe eyed. This behaviour is for deer, female deer. It also makes a proper evaluation difficult.
- Don’t get drawn into sexy texts with an ex just because I am feeling frisky, and because I want to touch her norks again. Think of football or some kind of pyogenic granuloma instead.
- Don’t look at pictures of a pyogenic granuloma just after eating a very large meal.
- Try to make my lists of resolutions about a coherent topic and not just the last thing I saw on the interwebz.
Biscuit asked me what was going on with Ms Spain. How she had a chap and then suddenly asks me for date. Well. She found out that the chap is married with kids. Confronted him, forgave him and then eventually saw sense (well had a mutual chum shout at her) and so Ms Spain told him to go away. It was an intense 48 hours.
The story doesn’t end there, because she asked me out last night via text message, and then this morning pretended that hadn’t happened. It was very weird. Here is a graph showing the relationship so you can understand the science behind it and why my infatuation with Ms Spain is over. (click to see it bigger)
So Meh I thought, and called up Date 2. Henceforth known as Ms Fez and asked her out for a second date. She said yes, in an uncomplicated way and now I have to find something exciting for us to do.
The only other interesting thing about these two conversations is that both these women were on the same street, only moments apart. I don’t have tracking devices on their phones or anything like that. They were walking through the same crowds to get to the same destination. It was weird, and cool, a bit like my graph.
There are rats in the Internet. They feed off spam but their favourite food is messages on dating websites. This explains why you can be talking to someone online and getting on brilliantly but suddenly they will stop communicating with you. An Internet rat has eaten the messages.
There isn’t a lot you can do, Internet rats can strike any time. They tend to attack when you are talking to someone you really like. Sometimes the infestation of Internet rats can be so bad that shortly after the messages disappear the person who you were talking to can disappear too. It’s very sad.