Ménage à Tragedy – Redux

Biscuit

In a bizarre twist of déjà vu (….didn’t you just say that?), the latter part of my night last night was exactly the same as one I had back in September. We’ll get to that in a moment though…

The Secret Gig and the Americans
A very old chum of mine was visiting town so we arranged to go out for some old skool rock in the evening. During the day I got really excited as I found out about a secret Frank Turner gig in a small Camden pub. The last time I saw this man play was with 4,999 other people in a sold out Brixton Academy so I was practically weeing myself with excitement!

Anyway (excited boast over) the gig was AWESOME in every way I could have possibly wanted it to be and we ended up staying for ages after as the DJ was playing a fantastic mix of dance-tastic anthems (Jackson 5, Blur, Rhianna, Stevie Wonder etc.). I enthusiastically started yakking to three girls because I thought someone said one was from New York. Actually, two were from Colorado and the other from Missouri or some other place I’ve only heard of in films.

I might have made them rude balloons, that never hurts.

Although I wasn’t actually intending on hitting on them at all, they are in the country for the next three months so I proposed hooking up for shenanigans and took an email address. The ‘.edu’ address confirmed what I thought, that they were clearly student age . *sigh* just when I thought I was meeting grown ups! I do love their accents though. There’s a post in that another time.

Little Miss Sunshine and Stripy Dress – round two
After much jiggling and shape throwing we left the Americans to it and moved on for a night of ’90s rock and metal. This was where I experienced a bizarre repeat of the same night I had there last time. I had arranged to meet Little Miss Sunshine there as that’s a regular haunt of hers. Stripy Dress was ALSO there. Stripy Dress’s ex was also there. Again. It’s a tiny venue so you can’t  avoid people really.

WEIRD!!!

Things played out a lot better this time though since I’m no longer in a weird hinterland with Stripy Dress. I promised my chum (and myself) that I would play it cool and disinterested.

Having failed at that I just gave her a beaming grin and a big “OHAI!” when I found myself standing next to her and had just ‘noticed’ she was there *ahem*.  She actually looked really pleased to see me and gave me a big hug. Annoyingly I still REALLY fancy her. She has a really distinctive scent to her hair, possibly because she’s mixed race and so has it chemically straightened to avoid the afro hair, and several times in the evening I caught the smell and it makes me come over slightly adoring and weak kneed.

I was genuinely nice to see her and if I hadn’t seen her being very chummy and a little kissy with her ‘ex’ then I might have mistaken the friendliness for light flirting. Anyway, I know better than to get sucked back into THAT!

Playing cool: largely failed. However dignity still largely intact so I call that a low level win for team Biscuit.

Little Miss Sunshine was lovely and buoyant as ever it it was a joy to see her. We’re meeting up for a gig in a week so we’ll get to hang out more them.

I can’t imagine there’s many places in the world that you can cram all those different experiences into one night, barely 1 minute walk from each other. I have a really clear memory from last night of standing on the pub dancefloor with my fists clenched and my face screwed up whilst I kept saying to my chum, through clenched teeth: ” GOD… I LOVE London SOOO MUCH!!! I LOVE IT!!! SOOO. SOO. MUCH!!!!!”

Doing Science: Biscuit’s Behavior

Biscuit

Most of this holiday I have been laid up with the ills. 3 weeks and counting. Whilst this may have brought joy to some as I have lost my voice completely several times, it has been somewhat wearing on me and hasn’t exactly encouragedme to pursue girls as I have been feeling less than sexy. The inability to do any exercise has also destroyed my enthusiasm to do anything productive whatsover.

I also pretty much lost my voice when I was on the last date with Little Miss Naughty so social occasions anywhere I have to talk much or raise my voice above very low conversation are pretty much out of the question.

I don’t mean to whinge (well, maybe a little), I’m just painting you a picture of why I may be somewhat less than active with dating or writing.

I’ve also had a bit of a ribbing from Toast about my marriage percentage for Little Miss Naughty falling. He’s noticed a pattern whereby I get very enthusiastic about someone, then seem to lose interest and follow the next shiny thing.

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought because I don’t want to be one of those people who only pursue the unobtainable and get bored once they are interested. It’s a very unattractive quality in a person so I have been mulling over the girls who I have shown significant enthusiasm. In an effort to establish a pattern I have decided to do some science. Get your lab coats and safety glasses on and turn to page 312 of your copy book.

Lashes - I have stopped pursuing her because I am not really getting signals back from her anymore and have been tentatively warned off by a mutual friend because she is a bit of a heartbreaker.
Summary: Still interested but she’s evidently not.

Noir - I WAS rather keen but have cooled off over a few dates as I found I enjoyed spending time with her but have not been excited about dates so have cooled it off.
Summary: Was over keen, gradually lost romantic interest.

Elizabeth - I was over keen, then realised I just didn’t fancy her when we met up for a date.
Summary: Was over keen, suddenly lost romantic interest.

Fuckwittery - We got on like a proverbial burning abode before we even met, had a few very fun meets but both the complexity of her knowing about the blog in advance and her rather erratic careering between extremes of emotion made it obvious that being chums is a much better course of action.
Summary: Got on far too well and was over keen.

Cola Lollies - I was very interested but always felt like I should have been way more keen. Given how generally awesome she is it totally baffles me why I am not more romantically interested in her.
Summary: I WANT to be more into her but don’t understand why I’m not.

Stripy Dress: This was the first girl in a long time I was very interested in. I still would be if she hadn’t dicked me around a bit and suddenly gone really cold with no explanation.
Summary : Very disappointing, was interested in taking it further with her.

Totals:
a) Was keen but no longer romantically interested in girl: 3
b) Girl lost  interest even though I was still keen: 2
c) WANT to b more interested in the girl but am not: 1

Conclusion
Both categories ‘a’ and ‘b’ fall within the behaviour pattern of ‘being interested until a girl is interested back then losing interest’. Just because 5 out of the 6 girls, on the face of it, fall within this pattern it does not necessarily mean that I am succumbing to this behaviour, but it does not bode well. No wonder Toast is not overly keen about me dating any of his friends.

I do genuinely believe that if Stripy Dress had not been such a spaz then I would not have lost interest. I was still very keen when it looked like she was reciprocating the feelings. Notably if I cast my mind back to the very start with cupcake I sustained the keenness when she was interested too.

It could be that I have just not had the right girl reciprocate my interest yet, that the ones I have not sustained romantic feeling for are just not right for me.

It could also be that I have to face up to some bad behaviour that will not be getting me married any time soon.

Lesson to learn
CALM DOWN!!!! Seriously, at least until I have had a couple of dates with the girl, then I am allowed to get break out the party poppers and make Toast do that glazed look where I waffle on about a girl ad nauseum (in between waffling about my favourite gun in Borderlands).

Whilst I can’t control how I feel about someone, if I keep calm then hopefully I can avoid my disappointment, prevent theirs and potentially sustain my interest.

Thing is, I REALLY have no self control! Perhaps I need to use some kind of adapted sexual climax delaying technique like thinking of dead kittens when I get too excited.

Oh… I don’t think of dead kittens when I…err… never mind.

Menage a Tragedy

Biscuit

BISCUIT IS BACK ON THE INTERNET!!!! =D  This time, with added ‘London’.

What’s more, it’s been my birthday, which was celebrated pre-emptively (and accidentally) with Toast, Scalene and FleetStreetFox; the result of which you already know if you have read Toast’s account of the evening and his very cryptic clue as to who was sick (‘rhymes with ‘Miscuit’… thanks).

I eventually made it to work for 3pm, “still obviously drunk” according to a colleague, and left at 5pm to start the post work drinks for round 2 of celebrations. Given all this, my actual birthday the following day was a quiet affair involving a hot bath, a cold beer, a good book and an early night!

Friday however, this was the night I had been waiting for. The night when I had actually planned not only to party, but to finally meet a girl who a mutual friend had been trying to set me up with. Previously referred to a ‘Wildcard‘, because she appeared to be SUCH an outside chance I now dub her Little Miss Sunshine as she is the most RELENTLESSLY positive and cheery person I have perhaps ever met!

Not ‘relentlessly positive’ in a “GEE! I just LOVE Mondays, they make me think of rainbows and kittens!!!” kind of way… but the kind of person who inspires you to be cheerful, optimistic and make the most of every opportunity.

Such a promising night full of all the right ingredients could only go one way… yep… WRONG!

First, the last of my friends flaked out on me, leaving me with no one to drink with. This has become more of a problem in the last few years as they are all getting old(er) and settled. Little Miss Sunshine, in true galvanising style, invited me out if I wanted to fly solo. On advice from both Toast and FleetStreetFox I decided to go all ‘carpe diem’!  …or ‘carpe noctum’ at least.

Biscuit hits town…

As she would not be their until about 11.30, I had a few hours of preparatory getting drunk and playing Rock Band to do. Nicely lubricated I jumped on the tube and eventually arrived at the club.

Unfortunately, a significant wardrobe malfunction meant she was late and so left me half hour or so to amuse myself.

Having moved to London to escape the incestuous small town cliques, I was slightly disheartened to see that Stripy Dress’s ex was there (the one that caused her to go into a tailspin at Sonisphere). This wasn’t a problem in itself as he doesn’t know me, but did not bode well for escaping cliques!

After about 3/4 hour, Little Miss Sunshine gleefully weaved her way towards me on the dancefloor. After a swift introduction to her chums  I grabed her a drink and we had a quick round of enthusiastic ‘hello!’ chats before heading back to dance.

She is TINY (to me at least), full of beaming smiles, a cheeky Estuary English accent and a mischevious glint in her eye. Standing pretty at 5’3″ with an cracking figure she cut a great presence on the dance-floor. Suddenly things were rather looking up!

Feeling buoyant with new acquaintances, the perfect balance of booze inside me and a pretty girl who I seemed to have a lot in common with, things could only go up from here.

Next thing I knew, a tap on my shoulder left me looking straight into the face of Stripy Dress.

This was the very situation I had specifically been trying to avoid. After my last post wrapping things up with the Dress, she did actually warm up again and so I decided to just roll with it and see if there was still any potential, although the hot-cold behaviour was still the order of the day.

Stripy Dress and Little Miss Sunshine seemed to know all the same people, although not each other. So, there is me, Little Miss Sunshine, Stripy Dress and her ex all within about 15 square feet of each other. At one point they were actually dancing side-by-side.

Far from being some kind of erotic fantasy, this was the worst of both worlds. I had to play it very low-key with both and was really quite stressed by it all. Whilst I am still prepared to put in work with Stripy Dress, this was supposed to be the night to get to know Little Miss Sunshine.

The coup de grâce was when I realised that Stripy Dress had left without even saying goodbye. I should not care but this pretty much finished off the night for me. Thanking Little Miss Sunshine and promising to see her soon I made my way home, somewhat cross and dejected.

As it turned out, Stripy Dress was actually hammered and apologised the following day as she was taken home and did a sick. Still, it had been the proverbial nail in the coffin for the night.

Despite the layers of misfortune, going out was clearly the right thing to do. I met new chums, an awesome girl and grabbed my new London life by the prickly horns.

From initial impressions, Little Miss Sunshine is exactly the sort of person that everyone should have in their life. I need to get to know her better to see if there’s anything more than great music taste and an obscenely upbeat approach to life in common, but it’s very postive!

Marriage percentage – 30%.

Lessons learned:

• Both ‘noctum’s and ‘diem’s should be ‘carpe’d at every opportunity.
• Girls will never fail to surprise you with their capacity to make a great situation obscenely awkward.
• Don’t wear your favourite white T-shirt to a venue with a floor which appears to be coated in mud.

Biscuit-1, Cupcake-0

Biscuit

On Saturday I attended a good friend’s wedding. I have been anticipating this for some time because it would be the first time in over a year that I had been in a social situation with Cupcake (as opposed to the few ‘liaisons’ we had since) and the first time there would have been any contact since I broke off communication a couple of months ago in the name of sanity and moving-on.

However, that would not be nearly enough for a Wed or Dead Wager scenario so the following elements were due to be in place to further complicate the prospective situation:

1. Cupcake’s new love of her life was likely to be there.
2. Cola Lollies was also due to be attending.
3. Another girl who I had done a sex on (but who, for the purpose of this blog, shall remain nameless and unidentified) was going to be there. This is a girl who has a boyfriend but still wants to do naughty things (but I do not out of a vague sense of morality).
4. Nameless girl and Cola Lollies had met before and got on rather well so were likely to be drunk and chatty again, potentially leading to some squirm inducing situations for me.

As my friend and his fiancée are a quirky sort, they had picked a fancy dress theme to the wedding. It’s one that allowed a lot of latitude so, since Cupcake’s new boy was likely to be there I went for the threatening end of the spectrum. Armed with a small selection of weapons including a NERF style shotgun (painted to make it look brassy and SKILL) and a ‘butterfly knife‘ (the blunt Chinese kind, not the little folding Filipino stabby kind!) ‘borrowed’ from my brother’s wall and strapped to my hip, I looked like a neo-Victorian  bounty hunter. I also threw in a mismatched set of freaky contact lenses and some huge Cuban cigars for extra unnerving effect.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) Cupcake’s boy did not show with her. Instead I had the 10 year olds pestering me for goes on my shotgun and impressive sidearm.

Having largely avoided her for about half hour, I decided to address the elephant in the courtyard and say hello to Cupcake. 30 seconds in to our greetings and I look over her shoulder to see that Cola Lollies has arrived and is grinning away, looking stunning, chatting to someone 2 feet away from us.

There was an awkward moment of trying to say hellos to them both almost simultaneously then I left Cupcake to it and went to catch up with Cola Lollies. In fact, I spent most of the day with Cola Lollies and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Cupcake pulled a numer of classic moves but she has no power over me anymore. These included:

• Texting me during the meal with “does it worry you that you’re always surrounded by children”
• Making comments about chatting up a pretty lady.
• Pulling me in for the ‘close’ photo [aka 'marking her territory'. I do not appreciate being pissed on... well.. depends]
• Coming up for the big hug in plain view of Cola Lollies and saying ‘I miss you’.

The great moment for me was when she said that and I thought ‘I really, REALLY don’t miss you’. I gave back an ‘ahhhh’ and a bit of a fake hug. She pulled back and said ‘is that all I get? “ahhhh”?’. So I gave a marginally less fake hug… but I still didn’t miss her. And that, THAT was utterly delicious. Finally, unequivocal confirmation that I was absolutely free of her. Bliss!

Whilst I was generally distracted, Cola Lollies was often chatting merrily away to others including great stretches of time with the girl who shall remain nameless. We were together most of the time and worked our way through most of  the large bottle of vodka I had brought with me.

And as the drink was settling in and the frivolities and dancing ran amok, I kind of got it. I think I was finding that spark that had been lacking with Cola Lollies.

Thankfully the venue allowed camping so bed was only a short stumbling distance away. At about 11.30, sozzled with lots of rum and vodka Red Bull, we made our way back to my tent.

*camera pans away leaving a fleeting glimpse of silhouettes in the tent and audible suggestion of hijinks ensuing*

*dawn breaks*

Cola Lollies spent the whole of the next day and night back at my place. A lot of this was spent recuperating from excesses of booze. What became very obvious though, is that the spark was very much a product of the moment (and possibly booze). I REALLY enjoy her company, but I don’t think there’s anything more. However it is still lovely to cuddle up for a night. Cola Lollies is about to leave for 6 months work in China so this is not really an issue.

Hmmm, why do ALL the girls seem to leave the country?

So, with  Cola Lollies effectively out of the picture, and nothing further from from Stripy dress since I replied to her over 26 hours ago, it’s time to look forward. Tomorrow night I have my date with the tenacious Irish girl I met recently. Friday night I am going to hit the favourite rock club for a drunken night.

In addition to this, the Wildcard mentioned in the recent summary has actually turned out to be incredibly promising! She is funny in email and has a wicked and subversive sense of humour. She likes a lot of the same things I do, including music,  and seems rather interested in learning more about me.

The other point worthy of mention is that our mutual friend, who has been subtly trying to set us up for a while, is fully aware of this blog and its contents. I don’t anticipate this being too much of an issue as the mutual friend is quite a clued-up worldly sort who would not break cover. That and I am lovely and treat people well as long as they treat me the same.

Mind you, skirting a bit close to the edge though, isn’t it!

Filed under ‘L’ for ‘Let-down’

Biscuit

This should be a report about my date with Stripy Dress, detailing the gripping tale of either her continued erratic behaviour or redemption. However instead it is a tale of disappointment, although not of surprise.

In short: the date was cancelled. She had work to finish and it was creeping later and later so about 5pm I decided it was better to leave it rather than wait like a puppy for the yea or ney. Not to sit around moping, that very night I arranged a date with the tenacious Irish girl that I met on the streets of London the same night I met Stripy Dress.

Having made a decision to leave her to contact me, this morning, 4 days after the ‘postponed’ date, there had been no contact from her. However, in something of a surprise left hook, Facebook smartly informed me that Stripy Dress is ‘no longer listed as Single’.

Note, it did NOT say ‘…in a relationship’. This is crucial because it clarifies nothing and only serves to muddy the waters further. This is fairly classic head-fuck girl behaviour. Ordinarily I would say this is fair enough. I don’t advertise my ‘relationship status’, partly out of a belief that it affords me some level of enigmatic aloofness and a refusal to conform to boxes and labels that THE MAN might use to confine me with.

Mostly it probably just looks like I’m just trying to cover the fact I don’t have a girlfriend.

So, with this little tidbit of info, suddenly all of her behaviour made sense: Interested but then evasive and a little erratic. Clearly she was on the cusp of seeing someone, if not actually seeing them already.  I resigned myself to relegating Stripy Dress to the cupboard of ‘massive let-downs’ (which is currently populated by the likes of the 2007  ‘Transformers’ film, Y2K and Tesco Finest bacon).

I was actually pretty sad about this as, despite all that had happened, I had had some lovely times with her and still really like her. I suppose lessons here are:

• Don’t confess to girls that you really like them too early on.
• Don’t discard all your carefully learned rules the moment you meet a girl you like.

Then, just as I was about to leave for work… a message popped into my inbox from Stripy Dress: “soooooo how was the wedding???”

*sigh* Girls are confusing.

Taking Stock

Biscuit

No, I’m not referring to the removal of cattle. Instead this seemed like an ideal moment to take a breahter and intertwine all the current loose threads into a big, fat bloggy rope.

…crappy metaphor? Anyway…

There are a number of girls currently in the picture whether they are aware of it or not.

• Stripy Dress – After all the recent adventures and camping debacle, she is still the one who I would currently like things to work out with the most. She’s not the easiest to get close to but I’m still allowing a degree of latitude. Maybe it’s a chemistry thing, I don’t know, but she still sparks something inside me that most others have failed to.
• Irish Girl – Irish Girl definitely needs a better moniker but she is one of the pair who I met on the streets at the tail end of the last big London trip. Because Stripy dress has been blowing a little hot and cold I have decided not to concentrate all my energies on her, so have booked a drink with Irish Girl next week.
• Cola Lollies – She’s not out of the picture yet, even though she’s leaving to work in China for 6 months. On Saturday she’ll be at a mutual friend’s wedding. The venue allows people to camp overnight so there will be drinking and partying to the we small hours. I have offered Cola Lollies one of my spare tents as she has nowhere to kip. However, I still can’t shake the feeling that I should fancy her more than I do, being gorgeous and generally awesome, so keep holding out hope for more of a spark. The other interesting part about this wedding is it is the first time that I will socially be in the same place as the ex, Cupcake, since we broke up June ’09. Cupcake will be there with her new love so this could be a very interesting dynamic. It is fancy dress and I will be sporting a variety of large and threatening objects. Y’know, just for effect.
• Local girl from recent date – I know, I know… I wasn’t going to see her again. The thing is she’s nice and so I have amicably been returning the odd text. I don’t really want to give her a ‘no’, I’m just kind of hoping that my imminent move may make logistics impractical and so let it go it’s own way naturally.
• Leia – This is the future colleague who Dragonforce will be working in Qatar with. Although barely worth a mention due to the whole ‘moving to the Middle East’ thing, DF is convinced that she is perfect for me so we have struck up Facebook chats. If ANYTHING is going to happen with this one then it is going to be a very slow burner, but worth mentioning now for context.
• Scarlet – Although she is currently living in Oz, there is a high likelihood that I will see her at Christmas. She’s not really sure what her plans are but certainly nothing is happening soon.
• Wildcard – This is a girl who a mutual friend enthused that I would get on with very well and who was supposed to be attending the London rock club on the same night I was some months back. Unfortunately some sort of trouble with her horse meant she couldn’t make it (maybe it threw a shoe or broke down on the way). Today we have ended up making contact on Facebook due to an enthusiastic bands/music conversation on a friend’s page. Unfortunately she is now ‘in a relationship’. BAH! However, relationships break down and I seem to get on with her so will stay in contact and see if anything develops.

So… what next?

Tomorrow night I have a date with Stripy dress. We have planned food and I am going to do my best to keep us off the booze to see how she is with me when sober. After all the recent uncertainty I hope to get a little clarity tomorrow so need a level head. Hopefully I should know by the end of the night whether there’s any real potential.

Knowing me, I’ll probably just become mesmerised by her eyes, drink too much, do some ambiguous kissing and come away even more confused than I started.

HURRAH!

Camping report – Part 2

Biscuit

Having left you on something of a bad soap inspired cliffhanger in part 1, I should  take a step back to expand on some things that I was too rushed to write about properly.

I said that Stripy Dress blew hot and cold. Through all this it was actually quite useful to have have Dragonforce’s (slightly sickening) festival romance a yardstick. There was a stark contrast about how comfortable they were with each other compared to how sure of myself I was around Stripy Dress.

I just really didn’t know what was OK and what wasn’t and found her indirectly dictating the terms or our liaison. She certainly got friendlier with a little booze down her but, as nice as this was, is never a good sign if it’s not replicated when sober.

I’m not one to beg for scraps of attention so gradually this behaviour grated. Because we had such a good time on our first date I knew that she could be so much more than this and just kept hoping that she would snap out of this demeanour.

Catching up to the end of part one, I had gone back to my tent to stock up on booze before heading to Silent Disco (best thing EVAR!). I was taking her to task over being difficult and grumpy. She was actually a little affronted about this and protested. We tood and froed over this and then, instead, we were kissing. Then we were kissing a LOT. And then… well… the aforementioned hijinks.

It would be fair to say that this was something of a surprise! The hijinks was great and I think I enjoyed the post-hijinks cuddling up just as much (I’m skirting round the subject but apologies if this is too much info!). She snoozed a few times, which was no mean feat as we were both crammed on my tiny 1 person camp bed.

However, 1 fact remained: I had come back for booze for Silent Disco and I was determined to rendezvous back with the others for silly dancing as I was in no mood for sleeping. So, possibly ill mannered, I whispered my goodbyes, tucked her into my bed and toodled off for some serious dancing.

At this point there may be several readers who are judging me. DF made me feel, quite frankly, AWFUL for doing the sex and then leaving. However getting in my pre-emptive defence; I had said all along I would be leaving for silent disco and I did not just splash and dash, I stayed for all the lovely stuff after for a good while and made sure she was firmly slipping to the land of nod before I left.

On my arrival back from silly dancing I was blissfully pleased to discover she was still there… although in retrospect, this may have more to do with the fact that it was dark and she did not have her contacts in to find the torch. Hmm. Genuinely though, it was a joy to cuddle back up and to snooze together.

After some slightly warmed but still a little too distant behaviour on Sunday she was feeling rather ill so sloped off earlyish that night. She was actually feeling pretty rubbish and I did feel sorry for her.  So after eventually retiring to the campsite I replied to a text to her to say she was welcome to come and cuddle up if it helped then went to bed.

About 2 hours later I was woken with a start as I was lightly prodded in the chest. Opening my eyes I saw Stripy Dress who had received my text somewhat belatedly. Despite all the uncertainty and levels of fuckwittery I was genuinely pleased to see her… once I had gotten over the shock of being woken.

So we cuddled up and it was lovely. Actually, what happened is that my improvised bed construction intended for 2 only really housed 1 so most of me was relegated to makeshift bedding formed of rugs, bubble wrap and a hoodie. But I was still genuinely very happy to have her there.

Since the festival, and the journey home with her almost intolerable friend, we’ve spoken about the whole festival experience. 2 interesting things emerged:

1. It turned out the she was as pissed off by her grating friend as we were and that made her substantially grumpier all weekend.
2. She has a (genuine) medical condition which generally makes her tired and so has to slope off early and which she needs to get sorted.

YES, I KNOW that I’m making excuses, none of this excuses the level of grumpy behaviour I saw but I want to see if the girl who I went on the date with is the real Stripy Dress or if she is the grumpy one. Toast is worried she may be high maintenance. He may well be right.

The next step is to see her next week, preferably with minimal or no booze involved, and see how it goes. Today she left work early as she has the ills and is feeling rubbish so I posted a small aid package as a joke consisting of chicken soup, snacks and tiny toys to keep her entertained in case she is stuck in bed. Basically, it’s both comedy genius (if I DO say so myself) AND a very sweet gesture so if this is not received well then it’s a dealbreaker! I will let you know the official M% after any next date but currently it has plummeted until I can re-evaluate the grumpiness.

and now the p.s….(not related to Stripy Dress)…

In an interesting twist, DF has been meeting the people who she is going away with (for those who are not in the loop she soon leaves to work in Qatar for 2 years). I received a string of excited text messages about a very pretty girls she was with who described her perfect man as ALL the things I am and then proceeded to describe everything I love about girls in herself. Seriously, down to the really ridiculous stuff (and any girl who professes that they have ‘blow job lips’ gets EXTRA points in my book!)

I asked DF to just propose on my behalf and I’d meet her  in Vegas at the Star Wars wedding. She replied that she loves Vegas and has always wanted to get married there. She said she would dress as Leia.

She has not only just ticked off EVERYTHING on my ‘list’ but has added new things that I didn’t even know were there. We’ve not even spoken yet but have set the date…  for 2012.

2012… because, like Dragonforce, she is f***ing off to Qatar for 2 years!!! ARGH!

Camping report – Part 1

Biscuit

So, festival camping together after a first date… fraught with potential difficulties and bountiful with opportunities? A quick way to find out what someone is really like or a situation so removed from reality that nothing is really meaningful?

Well, yes.. to all of the above in some measure.

Dragonforce was worried that camping with Stripy Dress and her previously unknown friend would spoil her weekend. Thankfully she made a friend in the queue who blossomed into something of a festival romance. This largely stopped her worrying and meant that she had something to keep her occupied when she wanted to wander off. Whilst I would have been fine otherwise, this did afford a little extra time to get to know Stripy Dress better.

Unfortunately, Stripy Dress’s friend turnout out to be one of the most boring and socially awkward people I’ve met. Thankfully he had a habit of disappearing for periods at a time. Sadly he always eventually returned, but I was thankful for the respite, however long!

Before I went I thought this could have gone one of two ways: elated or heartbroken. Confusingly it was neither.

As I’ve previously mentioned, she hit all the buttons that others should have done but somehow didn’t. I hadn’t been this interested in someone for over a year. We had a great date and I found her funny and sexy. I was more worried about how much of a spaz I would come across in a festival environment as I tend to really cut loose: bad dancing, heavy drinking, running round like a child with balloons and sweaty, stripped to the waist and peppered with mosh-pit bruises. I didn’t, for a moment, even consider that she might come across in a bad light.

Whilst this weekend may only have shown me her festival behaviour, I came to a definite conclusion: Stripy Dress is grumpy!

She was the first to admit that she didn’t like camping but she really didn’t seem to make much of an effort to cheer herself up. She definitely had her moments and had so much potential to be cheery, but just didn’t want to seem to join in.

The other thing that was very annoying was that she blew very hot and cold. At times I definitely had the feeling I was being yanked at the end of a chain. In my younger days I might not have spotted this but thankfully I am old enough to suss this kind of behaviour quite quickly.

I’m generally the kind of person who will cut everyone a lot of slack. If it’s someone I like I’ll generally make excuses for weird behaviour and try not to be judgemental. However I have a definite threshold of bullshit. Despite the prevailing grumpyness and apparent game playing I did have some good times with Stripy Dress, there was hand-holding, chats and kissing. She could be quite lovely and affectionate so I gave her a lot of rope. Unfortunately she eventually hung herself with it.

Saturday morning DF and I told her (nicely) she had been a grumpy shitbag and to cheer up. After that she was actually a lot better for most of the day. Unfortunately, Saturday evening she saw her ex boyfriend (from a distance).  She is not fond of him and the break-up was quite acrimonious but this sighting sent her into an introverted and aggravated mood and clammed up.

Eventually I had enough and told her to either let it out or to man up or she was going to totally spoil her time. Sadly, she chose to skulk off back to the tents to wallow in her torment.

As far as I was concerned that was it as I have no time for people who insist on making themselves miserable. I promptly forgot about Stripy Dress, ignoring a text to knock at her tent when I got back, and set to partying the night away. When I popped back for more booze later I largely ignored her and headed for my tent to stock up for more drinking and dancing.

She made a beeline for my tent and wanted to be all lovely again. I was having none of it and took her to task for being difficult and blowing so hot and cold. She protested but I insisted and was determined not to be swayed from this point.

The next thing I knew we were in the middle of hijinks… the naked kind. BLIMEY!!!

There is clearly more to this story but I will have to finish later as I am presently due out of the house. I am, in fact,  due out on a date. Not a date with Stripy Dress but with an internet date.

The Dangers of Camping

Biscuit

12 days ago I spoke to a really lovely girl in a filthy rock club and assured her (tongue in cheek) that my drink, that she had just sipped, definitely did NOT have rohypnol in. She was sufficiently amused, or drunk, to give me her contact details.

7 days ago I went on a date with her and swiftly fell for her bewitching eyes, cheeky sense of humour and hint of geekyness. She also made me gleefully happier than I’ve been in well over a year  just by walking along holding hands with me.

Tomorrow I will get in a car with Dragonforce and pick up this girl and her friend en route to Sonisphere where we will almost certainly all camp together for the 5 days.

This is going to be one hell of a second date!

Of course, if it WERE a date that would be easier.  Obviously it’s not actually a date but it is certainly going to be an unprecedented opportunity. It’s also a very high risk strategy. There is a lot that could go very wrong and not just with my chances with Stripy Dress. DF is concerned that I am going to puppy-dog around after Stripy Dress and spoil her weekend. It’s caused a fair bit of tension.

I’ve learned from experience that opportunities like this do not come along very often and that this is almost certainly going to be a make or break in my chances with Stripy Dress. I like her a LOT. In the past I have just looked forlornly at girls I like and wish that some twist of circumstance brings us together and she falls for me.

It doesn’t work like that. I am never going to be that person again.

The last year has taught me a cornucopia of valuable lessons about women. Yes, I was playing the field to see what I could get, partly out of novelty value.  I was taking approaches I would never have had the balls to in the past and been amazed at how much I had previously been missing out by being shy when it came to girls I was into. However during all this I was mentally racking up the dos and don’ts to stand me in good stead for when it actually mattered.

I wrote about this revelation in my very first post. It’s strange reading that now, after only about 6 months of blogging about this wager. In many ways a lot has changed. I have been on more dates than the entirety of my life before. I have learned about what I previously thought made my ideal woman.  I have learned that hand-drawn pictures of animals being sick does not entice would-be spouses and I have learned to be weary of alcohol gel masquerading as soap.

However in some ways I had not moved on at all. I certainly did not feel any closer to meeting “…someone that makes my tummy feel funny…”, until now. Suddenly I really do care about how this works out. According to my original plan, all I have to do now is “impress her with my Twister skills*, romance her and marry her”.

Despite the potential for disaster this weekend, and DF’s vociferously stated concern, I am optimistic and confident that everything will be OK. Things may well not work out how I hope with Stripy Dress, but it will not be for lack of meaningful effort on my part.

I will not be following her around like a puppy-dog. I will not be fawning after her. I will do my own thing and if she wants to join us then that’s great because she is choosing to do so. If she is still interested after seeing me at some of my silliest, spazziest and roughest then that can only be a good thing. If not, well at least we cut to the chase fairly efficiently.

Whatever happens, this is going to be a fairly unique experience. Place your bets now ladies and gentlemen, I’ll let you know how it goes when I get back next week; possibly elated, possibly heartbroken but DEFINITELY hungover.

*Just in case an opportunity arises, I will be taking my Twister towel with me.

Girls are stupid.

Biscuit

Bah!!!

In my head ‘boy meets girl’ situations should go like something like this:

Boy meets girl > go on fantastic date >  do great kissing > arrange another date > get married in Vegas in a Star Wars themed wedding*

What SEEMS to happen instead is this:

Boy meets girl whilst very drunk and is bewitched by sexy eyes > boy asks girl for date > girl messages a lot, is really interested and suggests date time >  go on fantastic date > do great kissing > Boy says “I’ll DEFINITELY call you”, girl says “You’d better!” > Girl goes suddenly very quiet and barely responds to contact.

So, here I am in limbo. Not the fun kind with singing and booze which results in chiropractic appointments. The kind where you can’t really do anything more and float around in a gelatinous goo of confusion and frustration until you either call it quits or get a meaningful response (although it could be the Internet Rats).

Bah!

As things stand, there is still a standing offer of a lift for Stripy Dress and her friend with me and Dragonforce to Sonisphere on Thursday if they are stuck. That’s a reasonable enough catalyst for contact so I just need to sit tight and do distracting things.

…does anyone have any spare thumbs I can twiddle? I seem to have worn these ones out.

*Theme can be varied to taste.