Dating for the ill
Lessons learned this weekend:
1. Greek Tragedies teach us that men have been acting like berks for thousands of years.
2. Antelope tastes nice.
3. Don’t go out drinking with Biscuit the day before a date, he will break you. The spaz.
4. You can have a perfectly nice date without booze, but if one of the people has a vicious cold too it rather kills the buzz.
5. There is a third type of date. Good is fine, bad will make an entertaining story, but neutral is baffling.
Biscuit and Dragon Force left early in the morning so I had most of a day to try and recover from the evening before. I just about managed it and was feeling almost normal when Ijumped onto the tube to meet the girl.
The Fez was waiting outside the tube station and looking stunning in the rain. She was wearing a pretty little white coat and looked even better than I remembered.
After the initial ‘Mwah’ we scampered down the road and chanced on a restaurant that I’d heard good things about but never actually visited. We didn’t have a reservation but the chap let us have an early table after we promised to be quick.
The food was excellent. It was a South African place so I ate the weirdest thing I could find on the menu (a mixture of all the animals I’d never eaten before) and she had a strange salad and something involving pastry.
The Fez had given up booze for Lent and so I joined her in a drink-free meal which made the whole experience feel very healthy. She also had a terrible cold and was sniffling a bit, the poor dear. We talked about all sorts of things and there was laughter. She is fascinating, almost frighteningly intelligent and focused on her career which meant I was pretty much smitten before I’d finished my first mango juice.
The rain picked up and we scampered off to the play hiding under her huge umbrella. We had arrived rather early so I had time to read a preview of the play which said ‘possibly the most violent incest-themed play in the western canon’. I gulped a few times and hoped for the best.
The play was very violent, I mean really stabby. Think of the most stabby thing you can imagine, then make it a bit more stabby. I had know idea the standard response to any problem in ancient Greece was to give it a good stabbing.
The rape scene was acted out in shadow form which was a small mercy, but it went on for about five minutes while another character delivered a monologue about lemon trees. There was also some puppet rape, a plethora of murders and a very shocking bit where someone had their tongue cut out. Blood and bits of tongue went everywhere.
It was excellent, the whole play I mean, not the tongue cutting. I wasn’t quite sure how once is supposed to act when watching a rape scene on a second date, but apart from that the whole thing was mesmerizing and totally gripping. I’d recommend it to brave friends.
After the play was over I invited the Fez back to meet the dog* but she declined on grounds of ill health and we parted ways with her saying she would call me to let me know if she was up to walking the dog tomorrow. So we said goodbye with a chaste kiss on the cheek.
I made my way home to the dog and collapsed in bed. The next day, in the afternoon, I got a text to say she wasn’t feeling up for the dog walking. I replied that I hope she recovered soon and she should call me when she feels better. I kept the tone light and fluffy.
After I writing it up the date, it was actually not that neutral. It was good.
*I don’t have a dog, I was looking after it and a flat for the weekend.
EDIT: Marriage percentage 60% (more if she calls back)