Home > Dating Science > How do you tell if you should marry a girl?

How do you tell if you should marry a girl?

Toast

Right. I have a girlfriend. This is not unusual, but typically this situation only lasts for about six months. Then it goes wrong and I get some new material for a stand-up routine. So how do I tell if this girl is a keeper? What are the tests?

The Internet, help me out. What sort of things should I check before I get down on one knee? I know she should meet my friends so they can provide an objective assessment (I historically have terrible taste in women) and we should do the whole family thing, but what else?

At the moment I fancy her a lot, find her fascinating and like making her laugh but I’m not sure that is enough to go ring shopping. We need to work out a schedule of tests. Go Team!

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  1. May 18, 2010 at 8:22 am

    It’s important to find someone whose name complements yours. You can’t go through life paired up with someone who makes you sound like a dick – you’ll be referred to together so often it’ll drive you insane.

    For example, I genuinely knew a couple called Sam and Ella. Every time they were introduced as a couple they’d roll their eyes as the third party laughed and said “What, like the bacteria?”. They’re no longer together. 

    The litmus test I always find helpful is to imagine the most resolutely middle class woman you can discussing dinner party arrangements with her crabby, pedantic husband.
    She calls through to his study “Darling, I’m thinking of inviting Toast and Fez along on Saturday night”.
    The husband replies “You mean Fez and Toast?” (it’s important to try out both permutations).
    “Yes, darling. Toast and Fez. What do you reckon?” 

    This is one of the toughest situations the names will ever have to face so if you can hear this conversation happen in your head and it doesn’t make the two of you sound like twats then you’re pretty much good to go…

  2. May 18, 2010 at 8:30 am

    I’ve never asked a girl to marry me before…..I will ask around and get back to you……tomorrow night I shall return with answers!!

  3. May 19, 2010 at 2:07 am

    Okay, I have found the key: my male friends have informed me that you should spend a full weekend around the Fez and her mother. If the combination of the two of them makes you laugh, you should be in the safety zone. If there is discomfort, there is danger. Also, apparently, whichever parent she somewhat resembles, it will grow with age. Tip. Also, I am currently seeking out cosmetic surgeons. Love my daddy, don’t really wish to look any more like him. D-I-S-T-U-R-B-I-N-G

  4. May 21, 2010 at 7:33 am

    Scalene – Good point. I think we are okay.

    WickedShawn – Okay, I’ll try and meet her mother ASAP.

  5. Token Jew Friend
    June 9, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    Oooh oooh I know, let her ‘accidentally’ find the blog you’ve been writing about her and see how she takes it!!11!1!1! No wait hang on, that’s what happened last time. And, er, the time before. I hope you are being verrrrry careful pet.

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