A complicated question to do with relationships
This is going to be the post that switches the blog from an amusing story we might joke about to friends into something I can never show the Fez.
Take a deep breath. Here we go.
We’ve been in a relationship for couple of months now, we have issues and it’s in the bedroom. We get on great and she is easy to spend time with but things involving nudity are less easy.
The Fez is very shy. She is a bit younger than me, and in my limited experience, body confidence comes a bit later in life for most women. I understand it can be a bit scary to be naked in front of someone especially for the first time.
But if there is one message I can get through to the women of the world is that all men are thrilled to see you naked. Really thrilled, delighted, amazed. They could spend whole hours just looking at you. Just by appearing naked you have made their day, week, month and possibly year. We all love the way women are shaped, it’s hardcoded into our brains.
The Fez is getting less shy around me, which is good. I’m constantly complimenting her amazing figure so she is getting a little bit more relaxed. She still turns around to remove a bra or tells me off if I look at her in the nano seconds as she dives under the covers but even that is an improvement.
The slightly more tricky issue is to do with sex. I’m very open-minded, I’ve worked for women’s magazines. I’ve had very frank conversations about sex with female chums over lunch that have caused nearby diners to choke on Matzo balls. There isn’t much that shocks me. The Fez has said she is a bit intimidated by that.
The problem is that so many things are now forbidden. Kissing may only happen on the face or upper body. Even attempting to go down stairs will result in an order to stop and a telling off with ‘that is disgusting’. I’m trying to be coy, but basically oral sex is off the menu, as is anything else apart from straight missionary in a bed. Rarely there may be a position swap but only on special occasions.
It’s stressing me out a bit and affecting other parts of our relationship. The thing is, a healthy sex life is important, especially when you are trying to choose someone to spend the rest of your life with. I understand that this period in a relationship is about learning about the person and things but I’ve never been out with someone before where so many things are just not allowed.
It’s not nice when you suggest something which previous experience is perfectly reasonable (and actually a very nice thing to do for someone) and you get a bit told off so you feel like a deviant, and not in a sexy way.
I’ve spoken to Biscuit about this and he thinks I should ask the Internets. So what do you think?