Home > Adventures in Dating > “Fwend!”



Currently my life seems to be imitating a sitcom. Very specifically, The Inbetweeners. What’s worrying about this is that this is a programme about a group of suburban 16 year old boys struggling through the trials of adolescence to find their way in the world. This is not an obvious parallel for me, as a 32 year old grown-up, but yet is frighteningly relevant.

Most of the people I tend to meet in social situations are younger than me. This is largely because the people my age seem to be shacked up, sprogged or have become boring. Unfortunately this tendency to meet younguns  seems to be making an inexorable slide down the age range.

I mentioned the girl I met at the front of AC/DC. She was very pretty and very sweet and turned out to be 19! Whilst this is not, strictly speaking, out of bounds it is skirting the very edge of acceptability and likelihood of having anything meaningful in common.

Dragonforce has been gleefully ripping it out of me for seemingly only getting chatting to girls who who have a “1” prefixing their age. As mentioned recently I got talking to a pretty local barmaid and swapped numbers on the promise of meeting up for a drink. Bar-work is not overly compatible with a flexible social life and so although she seemed accommodating to the idea of meeting up, free time proved to be a bit of a nightmare.

The main problem is that, having finished university earlier than her friends, they are all now coming home so any evenings not working are spent catching up….well… that’s what she said at least.

So, because the Kickball World Championship has been on the telly a lot, the pub she works in has been quiet. Because I hate The Kickball (yes… EVEN the World Championship) I agreed to pop down the pub whilst it was quiet during a match.

I explained this to DF who danced around giggling “you’ve got a daaaa-aaate”. I explained that this was NOT a date as I was just going to chat and read a book when she was serving. We bantered this back and forth in a panto style for a bit then settled down to watch inbetweeners. In this episode, Will, the 16 year old,  gets a date with the school sexpot. Well, I say date. He’s going to keep her company her whilst she’s working the bar at an under 16s disco.

DF nearly wet herself crying with laughter.

On arrival at the pub she looked much sweeter and more naive than I remembered, which made me feel a little bad at first. Because I knew I was going to be sat for periods whilst she had to serve I decided to take a book as my thumb twiddling skills are not finely honed enough. I learned the trick of taking a book to a date from Scalene. Amazingly the book I just happened to be reading was one she loved and definitely upped my standing very early on in the not-date.

About 10pm she finished as it was so quiet and sat with me chatting. 3 notable things happened.

  1. I realised that she was not nearly as naive and sweet as she appeared and was actually very switched on and really quite intriguing.
  2. I managed to knock the last inch of my pint over her legs with my massive waggly spazzy arms.
  3. I discovered that she had not finished university. She had finished her FIRST year university… and was in fact 19.


The thing is, I actually really like her and would like to get to know her better as she’s pretty cool and easy to talk to. However: 19!!! :/ This is not really an issue as we will both be moving away in August anyway.

Marriage Percentage: 20%

DF killed herself laughing when she found out number 3.

This should be the end of the story except, in the spirit of karma, I got  a degree of my own back. The following night DF and I went to a gig in London. At this gig we got chatting to a couple of lads who both took a shine to her. By the end of the gig she had become super good ‘fwends’ with one of the boys and swapped numbers…ans]d then saliva. It was at this point her friend whispered to me that her current snogging partner was, in fact,  19. HA!!!

I couldn’t help myself. I sidled up and gave her a double thumbs up and a gleeful “awh! Fwend!” (this clip is worth watching entirely on its own merit, but if you’ve not seen it it will make this make much more sense). This was the joke that never wore thin. After all the grief she had given me, she was snogging a 19 year old and it was my turn to milk it dry! …which I preceded to do for the rest of the journey home.

That’s ALMOST the end of the story… but on the way home a woman struck up conversation with me on the tube because of a T-Shirt I was wearing (the SAME T-shirt that had opened a conversation with the barmaid. It is now officially my lucky T-Shirt).

Well, in the short period of acquaintance with the pretty lady, who I was becoming rapidly interested in, I discovered she was actually studying. No, not a Ph.D. or even a degree… No, she was still at school …studying A-Levels …making her 18.

I think DF nearly asphyxiated with laughter as she desperately gasped for breath and coyly stuck two thumbs up whilst barely managing to mouth “fwend”.

Victory was SO short lived.

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  1. July 21, 2010 at 12:02 am

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