Status update: Toast is single
I ended things. I hadn’t seen The Fez for a week or so. I really wanted to do things face to face but I wouldn’t be getting down until the party next weekend.
On Friday night she tried to call me, I was talking to my brother so I said I’d call her back. When I did call her back a bit later she wouldn’t answer and then sent a text message saying she didn’t want to talk to me. I called a couple more times and then left it for the day.
She eventually phoned me back on Saturday, in the afternoon. She talked at me for about five minutes about how upset she was at me for not calling her enough. Pretty much the first thing I said was ‘this isn’t working for me’.
She asked why and I didn’t tell her the truth (the reasons I’ll list below) because that would have been unpleasant. So I said I just felt like I was faking it for the past week, which is actually true as well.
The ranting continued for a bit with her calling me a few names and then we said goodbye. It wasn’t the most painful break-up but I did make a point of letting her say her piece and taking it on the chin.
The real reasons why it ended
I realised I wasn’t interested in what she had to say. I can talk to my female friends for hours on the phone but I came to dread calling her. It was stilted rather than rambling and giggling. That is not good.
This is going to sound weird but I’d like to end up with someone from another country. The more I think about it the more important it is to me to do something other than marry someone who is from 30 miles away from where I grew up. I worked hard to escape from that place. The Fez wanted to move back there.
I went on a much-needed break back home, didn’t see her for two weeks and was perfectly happy. I think that’s the moment I realised things were really broken.
Clearly the criteria for marriage are more complicated than I thought. It’s always going to be a compromise, but clearly it takes a bit of time to find out if the person is suitable. You can’t think rationally about these things when you are in the first flushes of an affair.
So a new rule for me. No proposals in the first 90s days.
Bonus fact: I’ve never actually asked any one to marry me but I have been asked three times.