Home > Adventures in Dating > Face-spaz and the Great Girl Conundrum

Face-spaz and the Great Girl Conundrum


My. Good. Lord. That was a MESSY Friday evening. Without going into too much detail, DF and I worked out that we consumed over a bottle of vodka between us, about 8 cans of Red Bull, 4 cans of beer, 2 entire jugs of Pimm’s and a Jagerbomb. This list is necessary to partly explain the carnage that ensued.

I have tried to write this post several times but have barely made sense in my own mind, let alone to a reader, so I decided to start from scratch and get all pictorial on you.

Before I start with the chronology as best I can deduce it, I will get straight to the nub of the issue:

Facebook is bloody GREAT for talking to girls you meet on a night out!

Over the last few months I have commented in passing about meeting girls whilst out and very drunk but having no success eliciting replies to messages when I attempt to follow up. I’m not sure where it came from but recently I have stuck upon the idea of asking girls if they are on Facebook rather (or in addition to) asking for a number. This has a number of potential advantages:

  1. Although I would deem it more ‘intrusive’ than a telephone number, so far girls seem to be happier to pass on Facebook contact details than a telephone number. Perhaps because a number has the definite overtones of being ‘interested’ whereas FB can be just to keep in contact.
  2. You can learn a little more about a person to facilitate conversation early on.
  3. This is the biggie: Face book has a PICTURE OF THE PERSON YOU’RE TALKING TO! One of the problems I’ve had of late is that I meet a girl that I KNOW I fancy and maybe get a number, but by the morning any reliable picture of what they look like has become blurred in my mind due to alcohol induced memory loss.

There are a few significant disadvantages though

  1. You run the risk of ‘crossing the streams’ and exposing girls you are hoping to date to each other.
  2. FB potentially contains all sorts of embarrassing photos and info about you that you might wish to hide whilst you are trying to present a good impression of yourself.
  3. Taking names alone is not a reliable way of tracking someone down and is open to large margins of failure in which you may not be able to find a girl.

Ok, so here is my best atempt to put this all in chronological order as best as I can remember. I should first briefly explain the people involved:

  • Balloon Girl – I met her in the pub before the club. She was a cute curvy girl with a sweet smile and wonderfully buxom. I taught her friends to make balloon dogs whilst DF was chatted up by a very fit man. I discovered Balloon Girl was 19 (yes, ANOTHER 19 year old, I know…) but she was funny and I wanted to see her again so I made her an ejaculating penis balloon hat and took contact details.
  • Stripey Dress – I met her whilst sat on some steps for some brief respite from dancing/bouncing off the walls. She is VERY pretty with gorgeous long dark hair cut into a fringe, caramel skin and almond ‘come to bed’ eyes. I was quite struck and did not overly fancy my chances. I took contact details at some point before I left.
  • Bar Girl – I think that Bar Girl talked to me at the club bar because of my aforementioned lucky T-Shirt (she was not the Barmaid, she was on the customer side of the bar). I think I may have shown her my balloon trick that is only suitable for adults and makes people gag a little. I took some sort of contact details but by this point I was absolutely hammered.
  • Irish Girls – I met them on the streets back to the hostel whilst munching on Falafel. One of the Irish Girls spent some time abusing me for the crimes of my English forefathers. She had naughty eyes. I quite fancied them both. When I woke up in the morning I did not remember taking ANY contact details for them and was kicking myself.
  • Mystery Telephone Number – This was a number which I got VERY confused about who it belonged to as it was just a dialled number on my phone.

Part of the problem here is that I simply did not expect to meet and take contact details from more than 1 girl at most. Had I then I would have put some sort of descriptive text, or saved their telephone numbers against a name. However I didn’t, and it wasn’t long at ALL before all those details got confused into a Gordian Knot of memories. Before I had even gone to bed on Friday (well, 5 am Saturday morning) I had lost track.

When I woke on Saturday (and after DF was thrown out of the hostel for taking the very hot man back) I was faced with the kind of puzzle that had me wishing for a glass- eyed limping detective in a mac. It also did not help that I still felt drunk for the entirety of Saturday.

This, as best I can work out, is the problem solving process I went through to arrive at the results (click for bigger pic).

Rather than try to explain all this,here are the highlights:

  • The mystery telephone number could have belonged to 2 different girls, or someone as yet unremembered.
  • I had another telephone number that could have belonged to three girls.
  • I lost track of whose name was who after a number of my other memories turned out to be jumbled
  • I had to text the numbers I had to try and work them out.
  • Mystery telephone number turned out to belong to a BOYFRIEND of a girl, this was quite disconcerting until it I remembered that I had given my phone to a crying girl to use to contact her boyfriend. Phew!
  • One name, who I thought belonged to balloon girl but actually belonged to Bar Girl, was too common to identify someone in Facebook. That and I had NO idea what she looked like.
  • I totally forgot that I had taken Irish girl’s names to track them down of FB until late on Saturday when I discovered them in my phone.
  • Stripy Dress has the same name as a girl already in my phonebook, which thoroughly confused me for a while.

Eventually I managed to associate almost everyone to their correct number and make contact via phone or Facebook. I still have no idea who Bar Girl is and no way of tracking her down but that is fine as the remaining contacts have proved to be very promising.

  • Balloon Girl – Is in a ‘complicated’ relationship situation at the moment. And lives a bit faraway. AND is 19… that really is something I need to get away from
  • Stripey Dress – Much to my surprise has been very chatty on Facebook. In the course of 4 days I have gone from meeting her whilst we were both hammered to a promise of a date… tomorrow night! =D
  • Irish Girl – One of the Irish girls (the one with naughty eyes who gave me prolonged grief about the crimes of my forefathers) has been quite amiable and has also agreed to a drink.

So, all in all, quite a BLINDING success! Actually, there’s very little time to fit them all in as I’m busy this weekend, at a festival the next, away camping the one after etc. etc.

Oh, and I also have a date on Monday with a girl who contacted me through a dating site. And have agreed a drink at some point with the girl who I met on the tube a few weeks ago.


  1. July 21, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Brilliant idea, Biscuit! I’m intrigued by Stripey Dress and Irish Girl (she sounds like she has SASS, excellent!)

    Ps- Send love to Toast. We miss him.

  2. July 21, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    Thanks TMD. As I write this I am sat on a train on my way to my date with Stripy Dress. Hurrah!
    I am intrigued and rather excited. =D There will be a report tomorrow.

    Incidentally, DF and I checked our bank balances and clearly took out more money than we thought, which means we DRANK even more than we thought! That would explain the resultant mess.

  1. August 17, 2010 at 10:43 pm

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