An ode to American women
Right, before I start raving let me just say that this is entirely based on personal experience, rather than an actual hard science. It’s going to contain generalisations that I’m sure someone will find really offensive. If you are that person, I am sorry.
The American women I have met tended to be in Europe, or on the East or West coasts so the probably voted Democrat. Although I did have a very serious relationship with a girl from Texas, who I think would shoot me if I even hinted she knew any liberals let alone was one.
Everything that is great about American women
American culture is an awfully powerful export. I grew up in a very English way, while I may not live in a castle, there are castles in the family and a couple of knighthoods floating about (Sadly I’m terribly unlikely to inherit any of them so I’ll have to get my own) I know about tea and which way one should pass the port after supper. I have very strong views on cucumber sandwiches.
This is normal to me, so America seems like a fantasy land. The idea of watching a local football game while eating corn dogs and drinking root beer is as remote and magical as jousting on unicorns. Like most of the planet I’ve grown up watching American shows and reading American books, as well as the local ones.
I think everyone in the States grows up in suburbia like The Wonder Years (with a slightly melancholy voice over when something dramatic happens), goes to the school in Saved by the Bell and college in Animal House. To meet someone who has actually eaten moon pie or lives in New York is like meeting an elf who had dragon for lunch.
It’s hard to get across the almost mythical status of ridiculously large cars, shopping malls the size of towns, Popeye’s chicken, End of year proms ,Eggo waffles, Vintage style diners, Smores or pretty much all of Vegas.
I’ve travelled a bit in American, not enough mind you, and it’s endlessly amusing how excited we outsiders get over the insignificant things in America. To you it’s just a dirty truck stop, but to us it’s a ‘TRUCK STOP! LIKE IN FILMS’
The second part is the sass. An American woman is far more likely to walk up to you, tell you that your socks are awful and then demand you take them out for dinner.
Dating them is like being on a sexy ghost train. You’ve got a couple of vague preconceptions about what might happen but the whole experience is shocking and thrilling. Also it’s quite expensive and you get felt up in the dark.
I think it must a side effect of the American education system. In England we don’t stand-up and give presentations in front of the class. I suspect that forcing people to do this makes them a bit more sassy and unafraid to speak out. Or perhaps it’s from coming from an extremely powerful nation that gives them a bit more of a spring in their step. Buy them a cocktail or they will nuke you.
I don’t know the causes behind it but American women are moxy, in a lovely way. Not exactly dominating, I’ve known enough Dominatrixes (Dominatrixi?) and horsey women to know that’s unpleasant to be around. I think it’s an air of projected confidence combined with a slightly higher quality of underwear. There is never an excuse for bad underpants.
America is a land of hope (I think that’s mentioned in the official song) and there is an optimism that is part of that culture. It is mixture of positive outlook and almost deadly focus. Like MacGyver.
I like the fact that American women know where they are going and what they want, or at least give the impression of knowing. I’m sure they are as neurotic as the rest of the world, but perhaps it’s tempered a bit but all the stars and stripes.
I was chatting to girl in Vegas last year, and we were talking about what she looked for in a man. She said
‘I want a man who can take a punch, he doesn’t have to win a fight, but he has to be able to take one for the team. American men are such bitches these days. They stopped making real men about 20 years ago.’
It’s bizarre, but pleasantly direct. Which is quite a good description of what is great about American women.
Also they seem to like British chaps. Good manners, decent tailoring and an ability to get passionately, and creatively drunk at any time of day give us an edge over American men. And for that I will always love American women.