Home > Adventures in Dating > A Local Bar for Local People

A Local Bar for Local People


Briefly interrupting my camping report, I have a date from Tuesday night to tell you about first. For the first time in… ever… this girl was actually fairly local. This is something of a novelty as the ritual of jumping on the evening train to The London and then sauntering back (or, if it went particularly well, manically dashing back for the last train) has become something of a familiar ritual.

I’ve grown to quite enjoy the build up where I have an hour of train journey from the wilderness to relax, or bone up on who I’m meeting (if I’ve forgotten who they are). By contrast, Tuesday night I was at my date location a mere 35 minutes after walking out of the house. And I STILL almost missed my train there.

Local girl contacted me through a dating site. I’ve found over the last few months that I’ve had so little time to play with internet dating that the only girls I end up talking to are ones who message me. I should probably turn off my profile but I’ve already PAID for a couple more months dammit so I’m gonna get my money’s worth!

We’d already swapped texts over the last few weeks as I’d been too busy to fit in a date so had to delay it until now. She came across as pleasant and intelligent and was pretty from the pictures I’d seen. We met up in the Local Town… the one that I almost never go to as it’s Cupcake’s stomping ground and the odds of me running into her of one of the clique are very high. However it’s a very convenient rendezvous location for both of us.

I had picked a local quirky bar that is particularly chic and decorated with chintz of a bygone era. It’s nicer than I’m making it sound. We negotiated our way past the introductory conversation and settled into the well worn easy-chairs (which could have done with some attention in the spring department to stop that embarrassing move where you pitch backwards with a look of surprise on your face).

As we talked I found her very easy to chat to and to be open with. She is the same age as me but has done the kind of Grown-Up ™ things that I have managed to avoid, like buying a house. The question that I found constantly recurring in my mind is ‘why not her?’.

In my opinion, a degree of disappointment is built into internet dating. The majority of the time I believe people are meeting with much lower expectations than someone they might have won a date with in a social situation. As a result I don’t exactly expect to be awe struck and enchanted.

So ‘why not her?’. I could easily have arranged to see her again (especially as I had managed not to knock over my drink or get stupidly drunk) if she was interested. Potentialy, after a number of dates, it could have lead to somethng significantly more. So ‘why not her?’.

After we had said or goodbyes I though ‘the question really is…why not anybody?’. There are a whole number of lovely people I could meet and potentially form a meaningful relationship with. Why not any of them?

Why anyone in particular at all?!

This bothered me for quite a while… how do you know who has the most promise? Is it ‘settling’ to meet someone nice and build something with them, rather than becoming smitten and blinded right at the start and then getting entrenched in an unsuitable relationship?

I could see local girl again, but I think that the bottom line is I don’t want someone who is just  ‘good potential’. I want the excitement. I want the rush and and the thrill of something which feels special. I want someone who crosses my wires a bit.

So ‘why not her?’. Well I found myself considering practical issues such as the fact that I am about to (possibly) move to The London and she lives about 40 minutes further away from there than I already do. That’s what told me all I needed to know. If she shook me up like a bottle of overcarbonated pop so that I was scared to take the lid off then I wouldn’t care about that. It wouldn’t matter. I would make it work.

It was the most I’d felt like a Grown Up in ages. I want someone who I can feel like a kid with even as I grow old.

Marriage percentage 22%

  1. fuckwittery
    August 5, 2010 at 10:20 pm

    Eeeeeeeee!!!! Fizzy pop! I come in fits and starts. I want excitement and niceness – one day I intend to find both! But if you are sat there rather underwhelmed by her then you don’t have to justify it, you just move onto the next…
    So whereaboots en londres are you moving?? xxx

    • August 6, 2010 at 1:12 am

      I drink too much caffeinated pop for my own good!
      I suppose it wasn’t underwhelmed, it’s just… she was nice. Mulling over all sorts of questions about WHAT I’m looking for (aside from girls who like robots and lasers, I’ve been told off for that before on here as not a proper prerequisite of a relationship).
      Besides, I have yet to get back tothe rest of the camping tale of Strip Dress yet…
      (oh, and most likely it will be the East.. or maybe not at all… I don’t know yet, such is the state of flux that my life is in!)

  2. August 8, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    Strip dress?! Was that a bit of a Freudian slip?? Anyway, I don’t see anything wrong with robot-and laser-liking as girlfriend-choosing criteria. Seems a perfectly sound basis to me.

    • August 9, 2010 at 12:19 pm

      Hehe, possibly, I was thinking about trains entering tunnels and large phallic chimney stacks at the time!
      Wicked Shawn told me off for putting “brightly colored hair and interest in robots” as specific attributes that qualify a spouse: https://thewedordeadwager.wordpress.com/2010/06/29/cola-lollies/#comments

      I am trying to be more grown-up about it since then.

      *get out lego*

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