Home > Adventures in Dating > Geishas, Uzis and thick mustaches

Geishas, Uzis and thick mustaches


The Wed or Dead wager is a competition. Biscuit has been reminding me of this quite a lot since he has been in the lead. The git.

So with that in mind I went to the party with a simple goal. Meet a nice girl, talk to her a bit and then marry her. I wasn’t expecting to do all of this in one night. These parties are legendarily long affairs, but that would be pushing it.

The birthday girl was resplendent in a smashing frock. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in ‘casual clothes’. Her mother is the same, always perfectly turned out. It was lovely catching up with the birthday girl and her family.

She was on top form with her new chap who looks like a sexy Bond villain (The one Daniel Craig played cards with) but with out the whole evil thing.

The food was beautiful as ever and I had lots of fascinating conversations about Iran with chaps sporting amazingly thick mustaches.

Sadly my plan to find suitable marriage material was scuppered by the mix of people. Instead of being full of charming single ladies like last year, The place was absolutely infested with couples. Yuck.

Fun couples, but couples none the less. It was a huge mix of ages too which made it seem like much more of an occasion, also there was cake. Cake improves everything.

The couples were at least well dressed and interesting if not suitable for the wager. I chatted to an actor who specialised in death.

He has died in every film and TV show he has ever appeared in. He was very funny about it though and was quite happy to demonstrate his top five favourite deaths. His ‘executed by Uzi’ was especially good.

I caught up with some other chums that I’d not seen in ages, I really wish that I would get to see them more than just once a year.

I got absolutely cornered by someone’s great-aunt who gave me an hour-long pep-talk about life interspersed with taking photos of me and telling me I was pretty. I often get cornered like that (the pep-talk not the photgraphs) and I never know how to escape.

Later on a chap appeared who described his look as ‘male geisha seen through a cypher of the 80s’. Just take a moment to think about great that would have looked , and then imagine it better. You aren’t even close.

I wish I had managed to take a photo of him. I might see if the Birthday girl has a shot of him I can share. He was so special.

The one single person I did end up chatting to (for about four hours) was a dancer originally from Leeds.

She was supposed to have a date for the party but he cancelled at the last-minute because he had walked into a screw and had a stupid mark on his head. Apparently he was so shy about it that he refused to be seen in public until it went down. I suggested he just wear a hat, and the message was sent via text, but he didn’t go for it.

So she was on her own and we talked about all sorts of things for ages. She was lovely and I’m sure we will go for lunch at some point, but it wasn’t one of those intense party connections that make your skin tingle.

M20% – She had beautiful Roberto Cavalli boots so that is worth at least a few extra percentage points.

Lessons learned:

  • If I wear a waistcoat with a pocket watch I become intoxicatingly alluring to women old enough to be my grandmother
  • More chaps should dress like ‘male geisha seen through a cypher of the 80s’
  • I need to go to more parties with interesting, single people at them.
  • Biscuit is definitely in the lead at the moment.
  1. August 22, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    *Smug face*
    It’s alright Toast… maybe you just need to alter your target demographic a little. I mean… great grandmother… where was HER marriage percentage, eh?

  2. August 23, 2010 at 3:40 am

    You should seek out girls in Roberto Cavalli boots at all appropriate social functions. It is a sign of good taste. Just sayin’. Also, ‘geisha seen through a cypher of the 80’s’. Send him over to the States please. I have a large social gathering in September and I would love to have him here. Kthanxbye.

  3. August 23, 2010 at 6:25 am

    Wicked Shawn – Geisha will be visiting the states soon. He is off to New York for a week to ‘take over the city’. You know, I think he just might.

  4. August 23, 2010 at 11:03 am

    Toast, does the fact that you can have any sort of meaningful conversation about “Roberto Cavalli” boots make you wonder if your target demographic is actually at the wrong 50% of the population entirely?

    Just saying.

  5. August 23, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    I hate evenings like that… although you had fun, it didn’t quite live up to the expectation you built up in your mind prior to.

    Biscuit, you’re fresh. ;)

  6. August 23, 2010 at 3:45 pm


    Why, Txtingmrdarcy, I have absolutely *no* idea what you might be referring to! ;)

  7. August 24, 2010 at 3:20 am

    I need Twitter accounts for these people!!! Must have better communication capabilities.


    • August 24, 2010 at 3:58 pm

      Perhaps “cheeky” would be a better word for it?

    • August 24, 2010 at 10:46 pm

      I do *have* a ‘twitter’ although I only use it for keeping up to speed on various musics that I like. I am proud to say I have precisely zero followers! =D
      We should probably set on up for the blog… hmmm…

    • August 25, 2010 at 6:36 pm

      You request… we deliver! There is now an OFFICIAL* Wed or Dead Wager Twitter: http://twitter.com/wedordeadwager
      You can now follow our unique brand of inane rambling even more regularly. Imagine that!

      *’Official’, to help you distinguish between that and all the FAKE WoD Twitter accounts… obviously.

  8. August 25, 2010 at 6:02 am

    Biscuit, I think that fact that I have good taste in clothes and like shopping should help if anything.

    Although now that you mention it, while at university I did date a girl who looked like a young Cher and then a girl who looked exactly like a young Barbra Streisand. I seem to go for gay icons.

    • August 25, 2010 at 2:59 pm

      Uh oh, I think that Liza Minelli may be next.

  9. August 26, 2010 at 2:04 am

    Okay, added to my twitter. Hopefully we can get you guys Twitter Verified soon, just to be safe. ;)

    Toast, nothing in the rules actually states marraige hopeful MUST be female. *shrug* Take it from me, boys are easy. *giggle*

    • August 26, 2010 at 7:05 am

      ‘Twitter Verified’?! Will that involve any sort of intrusive swab?

      also… *looks at rules* gotta say Toast… Shawn is right old bean.
      Now THAT would be bombshell!! ;)

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