Home > Adventures in Dating > And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like bukkake

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like bukkake

Toast

I’ve been chatting to Betty Page rather a lot via text message.

It started off as quick message so we had each other’s numbers pre-date, but has since has turned into a river of silly messages. We haven’t even met up yet.

For reasons I still don’t really understand she mentioned she had ‘lovely boobies’ and then ended up sending me a picture of said items.

I was a bit shocked (in a nice way) is this now the norm?

Do people in London send each other pictures of their body parts to aid recognition when they do meet? I don’t remember this happening when I lived in London.

Anyway. Betty Page and I were talking about the gym. I mentioned how the men’s changing rooms are either full of overtly loud conversation of absolute silence. She replied with

BP: I don’t know about the men but we ladies spend a lot of time photographing each one another in the changing rooms and having sexy water fights.

T: I always suspected as much. My life doesn’t involve nearly enough sexy water fights.

BP: Splashy Splashy* *could also refer to bukkake

T: Is that what happens in mixed changing rooms?

BP: Pretty much entirely.

T: I’ve always thought bukkake would involve a bit too much organising to be any fun. You know getting the timings together, who has to clean up. That sort of stuff.

BP: What kind of nibbles would be served at a bukkake evening?

T: A writer I know went to a swingers party and she was disgusted that they served sushi. For Bukkake I’d recommend pineapple (for flavour) and strawberries (to replace lost zinc post-bukkake).

BP: Chicken wings probably not a good plan.

T: Sticky ribs are probably also a no-no.

BP: Wasabe peas?

T: Curry. Any sort of curry.

BP: It would be cool to have one of those black lights like on CSI, could have a disco ball version. All the spunk would look quite beautiful.

T: That’s a great idea. Perhaps you could do a sideline in bukkake consultancy?

BP: Clearly these things need thinking a lot of thought.

T: I had no idea of the planning required.

BP: Could have been quite embarrassing if you’d have tried to do a spontaneous one without this conversation. It would have been chaos.

T: Yes. I have been warned. Have you ever tried it? I mean outside of the normal changing room antics.

There was a very long pause here, instead of the usual instant reply. I though’d I’d gone a bukkake too far. Biscuit was sure I’d blown what could have been an amusing date by being too cheeky.

Then about two hours later I got the following reply.

BP: I think bukkake is a stricktly group-based isn’t it? In which case no, but I’m not averse to a gentlemanly shower in private.

This made me spit out the cup of Earl Grey I was drinking with shock and ‘tea bukkake’ all over my computer. I suspect Friday will be an amusing date.

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  1. fuckwittery
    September 8, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    That post picture in retrospect is pretty gross.
    I’d be interested to see where this leads and the resulting impact on her marriage percentage.

    I’ve only ever sent pictures post-sauce, as twere. I find the whole thing a bit logistically tricky (getting the concept sorted before you even start on the actual self-portraiture) and generally quite likely to be regretted at some stage.

  2. September 8, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    FW – I get what you mean about photos, but it’s interesting that you’ve taken them too. Clearly there is a whole saucy world out there that I didn’t know about.

    • fuckwittery
      September 8, 2010 at 6:24 pm

      Perhaps it has something to do with London moving so quickly, so that when you’re trying to recall who you’re seeing on Friday you’ve got a visual prompt, a USP perhaps?!

      Or perhaps she just wants to get laid pretty fast? :P

  3. September 8, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    I know about it. Hehe.
    …but that’s what you get for talking to strange middle aged women whilst drunk at a comedy club.

    • fuckwittery
      September 8, 2010 at 6:28 pm

      Ahaha. Ewwww.

  4. September 8, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    …perhaps that came across with ENTIRELY the wrong subtext!!!
    It’s probably not what you’re thinking it is. *looks around shiftily*

    • fuckwittery
      September 8, 2010 at 6:34 pm

      Two words: crepe paper

      • September 8, 2010 at 6:45 pm

        …………?
        Papier mache maybe?

      • fuckwittery
        September 8, 2010 at 6:51 pm

        The imagery is getting a bit much for me – wrinkles scare me :(

  5. Fleetstreetfox
    September 9, 2010 at 10:47 am

    She sounds like a keeper.

  6. The B
    September 9, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Toast, you magnificent creature, have hurt my side laughing.

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