Home > Uncategorized > Hot Sexy Video Chat…. Not.

Hot Sexy Video Chat…. Not.


Despite being reasonably adept at the internets I have almost never used Skype. The couple of occasions I have (and struggled with it), it’s been to someone I know to talk about robots or what is our favourite kind of laser.

Last weekend I was wasting my Saturday by lazily skimming through internet dating profiles. If you have never  looked at profiles on dating sites it’s worth it just to see the variety of ways in which people try to sell themselves.

Most profiles seem to broadly fall into the following categories:

  • Magnolia – Pleasant but bland girls who like ‘nights in a DVD and bottle of wine’ or ‘going out with friends’.
  • Sassy – Brazen and confident girls with something provocative to say.
  • Disasters – People who have sabotaged their own profile with horrendous pictures or clear indicators of personal problems.
  • Bizzare – Some of these look like they’ve been written whilst drunk but all of them will make you think ‘what on earth were you trying to achive with THAT?’

I came across sultry, blonde English Rose type with an utterly bizarre profile. It was possibly the most confrontational thing I had ever seen. Seeing she was online and feeling brazen, I shot her an IM.

B: Bizarre profile

SB: Oh?

B: How’s that working out for you?

SB: Weeds out the sissy boys

Continuing in an irreverent and offhand style, we seemed to be getting on rather well. Before long we progressed, at her suggestion, to Skype chat then video chat. I did have to run around the house locating my webcam and putting more clothes on first (it wasn’t *that* kind of  ‘webchat’).

Reclining on a chaise longue, cigarette in hand and resplendent in her house-coat, (sitting on on a sofa in her dressing gown with a fag) she cut a figure like a modern day Virginia Wolfe.

Talking on Skype to people you don’t actually know is exciting, it’s a bit like having a chat to the TV but having to remember not to pick your nose whilst you do it. We chatted about crappy seaside towns, drinking gin ’till you cry, India and snot. She accepted the thrown-gauntlet of drinking next time she is in town.

The last time either of us got excited after talking at length on the internet to anyone, they got stood up, as Toast did by the sexy maths teacher. With this in mind I plan to continue the casual offhandedness and not speak too much before we have a chance to speak face-to-face. Over gin.

I just need to not look too interested, or sissy, before then.

So basically, I have to not be me.

  1. September 27, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Virginia Wolfe? You do realize it is a lot of work to appear that casual, right?

  2. November 25, 2010 at 10:43 am

    I must admit skype and video chat are a waste of time living here in Thailand and being able to go to numerous beer bars where the conversation goes something like this:
    Girl “sit down pease”
    Me “ok, thanks”
    Girl “what your name”
    Me ” Luke Skywalker”
    Girl “you want drink?”
    Me “ok, beer”
    Girl “where you come from”
    Me “can’t remember”
    Girl “I go with you na ka”……simple but so effective, who needs hours of chatting to a damned computer screen…
    I guess if you are locked up in a British winter though the girls on video chat look pretty good.

    • November 26, 2010 at 1:42 am

      Well, yes that does seem rather expedient if you’re just looking for quick, shallow hookups. Remember though,this is a serious wager. Marriage is on the cards here.

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