Home > Adventures in Dating > Challenge 1: Toast’s blind date report

Challenge 1: Toast’s blind date report


I wasn’t really in the mood for this date.

It had been a very long stressful week at work, I was knackered. I had also been seeing the Virginian enough to feel a little bit weird to be going on a date with someone else. Biscuit did remind me of Scalene’s airport dash while almost in a proper relationship so that made what I was about to do okay.

I arrived slightly late due to a tube mess up, but the girl was also late for the same reason. I should give her a name, because I suspect she will appear again. How about The Mermaid? This will make sense in a bit.

She was waiting outside the bar when I arrived. The Mermaid had her hair up with a flower in it, to aid identification. She was tall, in good heels and a dark blue fitted houndstooth dress that showed off military grade legs.

By ‘military grade legs’ I mean they were so impressive they should have been banned by the 1949 Geneva Convention that restricts the use of certain conventional weapons which are considered excessively injurious.

She looked like Julia Roberts in the early 1990s with a dash of Keira Knightley. Hauntingly pretty.

We said our awkward hellos and walked into the bar. Ms FuckWittery had chosen the place. It was terribly trendy, but also rammed, really hot and very loud. It took about half an hour to get any booze, but the cocktails were worth the wait.

We found a little dark corner to sit in and started chatting away. I knew almost nothing about her, only a couple of vague things from her mutual friend Ms FuckWittery which made it all terribly exciting.

The Mermaid has lived abroad a lot in the last few years. She has spent time in India and Italy and currently works on cruise ships. I found her stories of life at sea absolutely gripping.

The down side to these nautical adventures is that she will be going on another one in about a month’s time and won’t be back for five months. Oh bum.

We only stayed for one drink because the bar was so warm. I’d run out of clothes I could reasonably take off on a first date, and The Mermaid was suffering in the heat too. Maybe the bar should rebrand as a noisy sauna that also serves booze.

Once we were outside we strolled towards Soho in the hunt for somewhere with some nice wine to drink. I always think if you can stumble across somewhere brilliant on a date it’s a good sign.

It’s pointlessly superstitious but gave me something else to think about other than the amazing legs next to me. I wasn’t the only person distracted by the legs, I saw a man walk into a lamp-post because he was too busy eyeing up the Mermaid

My date luck was in. We found a lovely little Italian bistro and sat down for red wine and a plate of cold meat and cheeses. The wine was good, the food lovely and the company excellent. The Mermaid started touching my knee when she mentioned my name.

One bottle turned into two and we ordered more food to pick at including some beautiful olives. We both got rather drunk, in a nice way. I touched her knee back occasionally.

After what seems like an instant the bistro was closing. I sorted out the bill and then guided the Mermaid to Bar Italia to get her opinion on the coffee.

Bar Italia never closes and has a reputation for serving some of the best coffee in London. The Mermaid had lived in Florence for the summer and took her coffee seriously. I thought it would be a fair match.

Her espresso got the nod of approval and we chatted about some more things and soaked up the atmosphere.

Eventually I walked her to her bus stop. The goodbye was slightly rushed because the pesky bus arrived almost instantly. How annoying. 

I kissed her on the cheeks, and then because it seemed like to right thing to do, chastity on the lips.

What an annoying bus.

Marriage percentage: 40% – It would be higher but she is shipping out.

Lessons learned:

  • Blind dates are exciting.
  • Being set up on blind dates by chums is also fun because you can get a ‘score’ from them afterwards, which you don’t get from complete strangers.
  • Knee touching seems to be the indicator of attraction these days. How gentile.
  • I like girls with flowers in their hair.
  • My love life has just got way more complicated.
  1. October 9, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Oh Toast. Never EVER use my behaviour as a barometer for what is or isn’t acceptable. AS I’ve proved time and time again, I only ever manage to make an absolute hash out of my love-life… (more on that soon)

    I too am a sucker for girls with flowers in their hair. Or any sort of feathery/fabric-based accoutrement for that matter. (cf Wicked Shawn’s Twitter picture)

  2. October 9, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Scalene – What have you done now?

    I agree with you entirely on hair accoutrements.

    I am also extremely hungover.

  3. October 9, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    She sounds absolutely delightful! This sounds like it was a fabulous blind date, and military grade legs is something every girl aspires to! I may have to secretly photograph mine now, send the pic to you, and see if they qualify??!!

  4. Fleetstreetfox
    October 9, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    She sounds great. I don’t like the sound of chastity on the lips though. Bit Barbara Cartland.

    • October 9, 2010 at 9:59 pm

      That does sound a little bizarre. But then, I’m not a fan of chastity in any form, over the age of consent. She was obviously over the age of consent.

  5. fuckwittery
    October 10, 2010 at 2:56 am

    Favourite words: “why ia ahe going.travelling? Woe is me”

  6. October 10, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    Wicked Shawn – I’m sure they already do.

    FoxyPants – Don’t blame me, blame the bus driver.

    Fuckwittery – When is she back?

  1. April 29, 2011 at 11:17 am

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