Home > Adventures in Dating > In your face Mark Ronson

In your face Mark Ronson


I did toy with the idea of doing another Maltese Falcon style post but since I have news, I think I’ll just stick to a normal one.

Let me set the scene. It was Thursday. Mia had turned up to work in a dangerously slinky dress. Dangerously, it should have come with a health warning.

This fancy dress wasn’t just a celebration of the week nearly being over, it was because a load of people from for work were going to an exclusive ‘intimate gig’ with Mark Ronson at the studio on Abbey Road.

Mia has a bit of a thing for this chap as does most of the female population, so she wanted to look good. She did look good.

I wasn’t going to the gig because I was working a late shift. So I was all alone in the office typing away.

Then this message appeared on twitter from Mia

‘Toast we are drinking in the local pub’

‘The local pub? You turned down Mark Ronson for the local pub? You are so cool’

‘Toast You know it’

There was a pause in the conversation here because I had to do some more work. Then one of the other people at work, who is very good friends with Mia sent a tweet at me.

‘Toast I am with Workperson1 workperson2 and Mia clang name drop. Come! Or don’t whatevs x’

I let them know I had to finish some work stuff first and then I’d join them. Mia sent me another tweet.

‘Toast get here fast. There are naked ladies dancing and that’s just Workperson1’

So I finished my final bit of work and went down to the bar. There were a couple of bottles of wine on the go, and I was the only man there. Mia cleared a bag of a stool next to her and I sat down to join in the nonsense.

I suspected something might be up, but I was being a cool observer at this point. Or at least trying to with Mia in her slinky dress. It mades any sort of concentration hard.

We talked about all sorts of things, about dating. She hadn’t been on many and I’d said I been on loads and I asked her some of my special dating questions which she liked. They are good questions and surprisingly revealing.

She revealed she knew about the unwise snog but since she kept touching my leg I thought I was probably okay. I did explain that cakes had been involved.

Mia did tell me that I should feel honoured that she had turned down Mark Ronson to get drunk me. I said I was honoured and that I’d tease him about it if I ever saw him.

There was more leg touching, and in hindsight it seems that I spent most of the evening just talking to Mia. Apparently she normally goes out with scruffy men, loves where we work and likes going to festivals. We talked about dating habits and I said I wasn’t looking for anything throw away.

The rest of the group were slowly disappearing off into the night. It felt like five minutes but we were the last two left in the bar. Mia got another bottle of wine.

We had a really, really indepth conversation about losing fathers. I lost mine to the big C, she lost hers to malaria. We talked about what a shit it is and the vague sense of being cheated out of quality dad time. I’m pretty reserved with people so that was surprisingly out of character for me.

The conversation swung back to lighter subjects. A promise was made to take her out to a lovely restaurant for ‘lots of meat’, she specifically asked for that.

The next bit is a bit blurry I told her I thought she was very pretty and I definitely remember saying.

”Sometimes you just have to take a risk and do things if you think you should.”

And I kissed her, there was less than a pico second of surprise and then she kissed me back. A proper kiss. There was more kissing and then talking and kissing.

She asked if this was going to make work weird I said no, it wouldn’t. There was more kissing.

The bar was closing and we stumbled onto the last tube home. I took a slightly weird route home so we could get the same tube as her. There was kissing on the tube.

I went home fizzling with excitement. I may have punched the air a couple of times.

Sadly she was off work the next day so I’ve not seen her since, which is fine because I’m playing it cool.

Playing it cool is hard.

I’d like to kiss her some more.

Final score – Toast 1: Mark Ronson 0

Marriage percentage: 25% (I don’t really know her, yet…)

  1. November 27, 2010 at 11:26 am

    It’s fairly awesome, as it appears you finally kissed someone without deciding midstream that it was a “bad idea’. *points* :)

    • November 27, 2010 at 12:26 pm

      Yes. If anything I had to fight from smiling. So that’s nice.

  2. November 27, 2010 at 11:37 am

    I like the punching the air imagery. It makes a film deal out of this gig much more likely.

    • November 27, 2010 at 12:25 pm

      Who would play Toast?
      And,more to the point, who would play me? I imagine an unflattering cross between Hugh Grant and Mr Bean.

    • November 27, 2010 at 12:27 pm

      I like punching the air. I used to heel click but after I smashed up my iPhone doing that I stopped.

  3. November 27, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    for the pair of you; a modern day…

    • November 27, 2010 at 12:36 pm

      Biscuit has that jumper, it is his hot date jumper (and very popular with the ladies)

  4. November 27, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    – Biscuit would be played by a hollywood rom-com/slapstick usual suspect.
    – Toast would warrant a quirky, possibly troubled rising star; I cannot pin point an existing actor with the necessary attitude. Not that Toast is quirky and troubled; but I think the actor would need to be to play him.

    I have actually given this more thought than it deserves.

    • November 27, 2010 at 12:47 pm

      I expect your full proposal, bound in triplicate, on my desk Monday morning. STAT!

      • November 27, 2010 at 1:02 pm

        Actually, you will be played by Lindsay Lohan. :D

  5. November 27, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    I have this under control. James Franco, Biscuit. His ability to do a slightly disheveled yet utterly appealing character, he can do the accent, and he has the lips for our Kissing Ninja.

    Rob Pattinson, the sexy brooding former vampire plays Toast, no idea why, it just feels right. He’s too old for the tweens anyway. He played one adult role and did quite well. Not adult, porn adult, but adult as in not Twilight.

    Also, Scalene gets an appearance, to be played by Johnny Depp, in his younger days, because I said so. It’s my fantasy, I get to keep it. ;)

  6. November 28, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    I am just lolling at Toast being Robert Pattinson! *throws glitter over toast*

  7. November 28, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    Oh glitter! YAY! Squee!! Hahahaha! Somehwere I imagine a cottage with a lumberjack running around yelling in his cute British accent for you to stop tossing that fucking glitter at him! I may have tears streaming down my face from laughing at this hysterical image in my head.

  8. November 29, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    “OI! Stop tossin’ tha’ FAACKIN’ gli’er over me you CUN’ or I’ll cu’ ya up”

  9. November 30, 2010 at 4:01 am

    *giggling hysterically* At some point he’s going to read this and seriously start cussing at both of us. Mostly you for all of the glitter tossing. Actually, I suppose I will be the one cast as the instigator for casting Robert ‘the glitter glam vamp’ Pattinson as Toast. Also, while back on subject, there has been a casting change, Scalene will now be played by Jonathon Rhys Meyers, again because I said so. Nevermind the fact he is Irish, we will ignore that.

  1. November 30, 2010 at 4:51 pm
  2. December 8, 2010 at 6:40 pm

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