Home > History > Why you should never date a porn star

Why you should never date a porn star

Toast

A very long time ago I had an almost thing with a porn star. Well it was a thing but it never really became a thing.

We met at a party when she was seeing someone else. She dumped him and went after me. We had a couple of ridiculous dates, no seriously ridiculous (they are worth a separate post) and then we drifted apart because she was seemingly unable to actually meet up to do anything, ever. She was a bit of a stoner, and would appear at my door at 3am and make demands in a rude way.

It sounds quite exciting, but it got a bit dull quite quickly.

I once bought her a very nice present for Valentine’s Day from Tiffany’s, and booked a restaurant and she just didn’t show up, which became one of my top ten all-time-tragic-moments (maybe there is a post in that?).

You’ve not known tragedy until you’ve spent a week inveigling a very special table at a very special restaurant. Turned up early, dressed to the nines with one of those pretty little turquoise boxes and then sat for two hours waiting for them to appear for them never to show.

This girl and I were never really friends but we sort of stayed in touch in a weird sort of way, mostly thanks to Facebook. If she heard I was having some sort of bash or event she would demand to be allowed to come and then never show up.

She got pregnant about a year ago, and so was posting about that every twenty seconds. I hid her from my news feed because I didn’t really care, but thought she would flip out if I actually deleted her.

Anyway, a year has passed and then out of the blue I got the following message:

‘Slightly shocked by you toast, I always considered you a close and dear friend especially since we have so many funny stories. However, it seems that since I hav had a lil one i’m too boring to talk to or invite out. You’ve never replied my texts, you never wished me happy birthday nor did you congratulate me wen my baby was born.  Boring as babies are to you we were told I could hav lost her but hey thats just YAWN…Boring. Friends are friends even when their paths go in different directions. Thats how I see it so if because i’m Mum now or cause i’m not out hanging wit the z listers i’m of no interest to you then delete me from your friends. I tend to only have friends who are   friends, not to notch up the amount I have on fb!  And yes I have just had my first period in over a year but still it was on my mind!’

Maybe I should just remove her from Facebook

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  1. December 6, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    Aaahahahaha this woman makes ME feel sane

    • December 7, 2010 at 7:27 am

      It must be the season for this sort of thing. I got a really mental phone call last night that is going to require a post.

      Girls. Are. Mad.

  2. December 6, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    Ps I know we have spoken about such things before but I am proud of you as a dating male with the whole valentine’s day thing. Nuff respec’

    • December 7, 2010 at 7:26 am

      I don’t do anything half hearted, so I hope one day I’ll meet a lovely woman and one day make her very happy and slightly smug.

  3. December 11, 2010 at 4:47 am

    Not to be defensive, but girls aren’t mad, Toast, you just seem to often be attracted to mad girls. There is a distinction there.

  4. May 12, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    omg, this IS a tragic valentine’s day.
    I like your inappropriate gifting. I’ve done that before!

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