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Sexy text messages


It’s very easy to mess up with text messages. I once accidentally sent one to a girl who I’d started dating saying ‘Yes, she is now my girlfriend, HUZZAH.’

It was intended for my best chum, luckily she wasn’t offended and thought it was rather sweet.

Yesterday Biscuit sent me a text that I hope wasn’t intended for me. We were talking about Christmas presents and then suddenly he sent me a text saying:

 ‘You’re making it hard not to slip back into filth! I am pleased you like my cock too. I imagine you have had some particularly impressive ones in your time….oh fuck I’m making it worse!’

I was a little shocked. I haven’t seen his wink-wonk and I’d rather keep it that way. He has since apologised and also said I’m allowed to write about it on the blog.

The text did however suggest that he had been sending pictures of his bits to a girl who he hasn’t even met yet.

When did this become standard pratice? I’ve never done that. Is this where I’m going wrong?

Either way the girl I took to see Gauguin hasn’t got back to me, as much as it pains me to type this it’s time to move on.

If Internet dating can teach you anything it’s that you can’t get too hung up over people who you’ve only had a single date with, even if they are great.

As unique as you like to think they are, there are loads more of them online. You just have to find them and perhaps the next one will fall madly in love with you.

  1. December 29, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    Biscuit! Shame on you!!

    Toast, you’re perfectly normal…. well, by my standards, anyway. And I’m on my way to the altar, which makes it ok per the rules of the wager. Has Biscuit learnt nothing from the cautionary tales of teen stars/starlets whose naughty bits have been blasted out to all of the Interwebs?!

    Ps- “wink-wonk” = new favorite phrase

  2. December 29, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Sexting, Toast. It’s called sexting.


  3. December 30, 2010 at 1:47 am

    1) I was utterly MORTIFIED when I realised what I had done, and it was only from seeing the twitter feed here that made me realise.

    2) I was incredibly RELIEVED that I had not sent him an actual picture (as I’m sure was toast)

    3) SHE STARTED IT!!! I *may* have been willingly complicit after some token resistance but nothing was unsolicited.

    4) I’m just off to die of embarrassment now. kthnxbai

  4. December 30, 2010 at 2:21 am

    *clutches sides*
    *tears streaming*
    *gasping for air*
    I love you guys.

  5. December 30, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Texting Mr Darcy – Well it clearly worked, but I’ll leave it to Biscuit to post about that.

    L.A. – I know what it is, I was just shocked that it happened before people even met. What’s wrong with a nice bunch of flowers? Eh? Eh?

    Biscuit – I am sure everyone is dieing to know what happened…

    Machecazzo – Glad you approve.

    • December 30, 2010 at 4:18 pm

      Haha, I don’t think it’s supposed to happen before people met. Maybe Biscuit’s…wink-wonk…is just exceptionally friendly.

      And flowers, even nice bunches of them, eventually die. :(

      • December 30, 2010 at 4:56 pm

        LA – Yes he appears to have a magical wink-wonk that makes ladies swoon.

        That’s why flowers are always part of a campaign, not just a one-off thing. TSK AMERICAN MEN. TSK

  6. L.A.
    December 30, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    tell the american men that! i know this already!

  7. January 4, 2011 at 3:47 am

    OMJ, I just took an extra 10 minutes to reply due to my laughing.

    Biscuit: I have no words to express how utterly YOU this seems to me!!

    Toast: Err, sorry, I only wish there was a picture of your face when you read this! Priceless!

    As for misdirected sexting, *ahem* I know nothing about it, no matter what my Aunt might say to the contrary. *humiliation face on*

    • January 5, 2011 at 12:48 am

      I see you could STILL barely type!!! I am very glad that my mortification entertains you so. Perhaps sometime we can swap stories of the time you didn’t send your aunt a sexy, sexy message.

      Seriously, technology is dangerous!

  8. October 9, 2012 at 8:33 am

    I dn’t undstand

  1. December 30, 2010 at 3:30 pm

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