Home > Adventures in Dating > How to pull a Biscuit

How to pull a Biscuit


This week has been really rather stressful; I was playing catchup at work and for 24 hours Toast and I were threatened with eviction with only 7 days notice (it’s a long story but it’s all fine now). Come Friday all I wanted to do was have a quiet night with an iced G&T and the Xbox.

Toast’s offer of a free bar was all it took to shift me from the sofa.

If you’ve read his account of the evening, then you’ll know that he makes it look like I wasn’t there 5 minutes before I started kissing. You’ll also be aware that this is his 4th consecutive drinking engagement of the evening and by his own admission he was mashed by the time I got there. I think it’s fair to say that his recollection of timescales is not exactly reliable.

Within about 20 minutes of being there a pretty Irish girl started talking to me. She was there because the strange gay  man was her client and he was so drunk that she felt he was her responsibility and was wondering how on earth she was going to get him home.  She was fairly new to London and herself and wasn’t overly sure how to get home herself.

Having struck up conversation with me, the second hint that she might have been making a move came when she offered to buy me a drink. This is not overtly ‘hitting on’ in itself but it’s the first time in London that a girl who wasn’t already a chum had offered to buy me a drink. She didn’t even have to tell me I had pretty eyes.

After about an hour all the VERY drunk girls and the VERY drunk gay man moved away from our corner to dance so the girl, Toast and I claimed the sofa.

Clue 3 came as she touched my knee whilst chatting. Toast then moved off the sofa. either because he was being helpful or because he didn’t want to be in the kissing zone.

The music in the place was very loud, I am a bit deaf and the girl could not hear as well out of one ear either and I occasionally had trouble following her accent so we had to talk with our faces rather close. Then, with our faces only a couple of inches from each other, the conversation sort of paused and she looked into my eyes, parted her lips slightly and almost imperceptibly leant forwards.

Quite frankly it would have been rude not to kiss her. That wasn’t so much as ‘clue 5’ as ‘fairly obvious 5’.

The last clue came when she said “well, it’s too late to get the tube home and I don’t know how to get back so I’m your responsibility.


Toast was feeling very drunk and sleepy and so opted to leave. I did say that we were just going to finish our drinks and leave too but since I have past form of saying this then spending another hour kissing he did not believe me and so left to get a cab.

Since she had declared herself my responsibility I though to best to take her home.

Before toast slanders my good reputation, we kept all important bits of clothing on to sleep so all modesty remained intact.

If you’ve been following this wager for a while then you’ll know that I really don’t believe in the sky fairy and have had relationships fall apart over religion and spirituality issues before. Being Irish, I did wonder whether she conformed to any of the Catholic girl stereotypes.

The following day she had to go and meet her aunt who was visiting London. She had to meet her aunt who is a nun, and her aunt’s friend who is a nun, and would be going to some memorial service with them. In fact, she ended up meeting 40 nuns.

This is some small cause for concern but she didn’t look too thrilled at the prospect so I am holding out hope that she doesn’t subscribe to all that herself. Since I’ve arranged to meet up with her again I sincerely hope not!

Marriage percentage – 15%. She’s pretty with a cheeky smile but I need to see where she stands on the god stuff before there’s any hope of anything higher.

  1. February 1, 2011 at 5:40 am

    I’m speechless. Someone should probably note the date and time. *sits quietly in corner rocking and twirling hair*

  2. February 1, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    Speechless at retaining our modesty? Speechless she pulled me? Speechless at the the prospect of 40 nuns?

  3. February 2, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    I’ve recovered a bit now.
    So, yes, retaining your modesty is a bit new. Seriously, makes me wonder about the sky fairy.
    She did totally “pull a Biscuit”, which is quite funny.
    The 40 nuns just scares the fuck out of me. I mean, really, they let them travel in groups that large? *shudder* That is extremely intimidating. Like some sort of hooded army or something, marching around making people paranoid. I do not like it and feel fairly certain it is the reason why we still carry weapons in the US. I have less to fear, I can take on large, roving groups of nuns.

    • February 2, 2011 at 2:42 pm

      Non-lethal weapons, I should clarify…….your readers do not realize my affinity for tasers.

      • February 2, 2011 at 6:03 pm

        It makes me sad that we’re not allowed tasers here.

        Maybe you could send one and just label it ‘biscuits’

  1. February 16, 2011 at 1:04 am
  2. March 21, 2011 at 11:14 pm

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