Home > Adventures in Dating > Good times with Black Swan

Good times with Black Swan


I understand that the following post may make me sound like an utter berk, but this blog isn’t about sounding good it’s about the truth and getting married.

The date on Saturday went really well and that is a bad thing.

We met up outside the cinema in the afternoon. The Consultant was wearing a dark green dress with frills on the front and black boots. Her hair was expertly ruffled with a messy fringe. She looked excellent.

I got the tickets and chocolate ice cream for us to eat while watching the film. I also had a hip-flask with whiskey in it. I’d heard that Black Swan could be quite harrowing and that we might need a stiff drink to get through it.

I was right. It was harrowing, but in an excellent way. Sort of like dating a mad person. I was utterly captivated by it, I leaped with horror a couple of times and I was gripped until the end. Also it made me want to go and see Swan Lake so that is a plus.

 The hip-flask was definitely needed, the Consultant asked for it during a scene in a bathroom. If you have seen the film you will know what I mean.

After the film the Consultant suggested we go back to my house so I could show her a TV show I’d recommended. So we did that. On the way we bought supplies for gin and tonic. The house was warm and we sat on the sofa watching the show and drinking very good G’n’Ts made with fancy gin.

About two episodes in, the Consultant put her legs on my legs. Just resting there. We had more gin. She was drinking far faster than me and ended up a couple of drinks ahead. In my defence I was a little broken from the night before.

By the time the third episode had begun there was some definite if subtle stroking going on. Just a little flex of the leg to suggest that her intentions towards me might be a bit more than just watching an entire series of an American comedy together.

So took a slug of gin and I did the honourable thing. I kissed her.

She was pleased with this and there was some more kissing. Then some other stuff, and we ended up going to my room.

She asked for a glass of water, I went and got one and by the time I returned she was lying on my bed resplendent in some terribly fancy underwear. Smooth moves indeed.

I am sure you can guess how the rest of the evening went. I will only just imply that it was surprising in a good way.

The next morning I woke up before her, and slipped off to get some breakfast supplies. I returned with the Sunday papers, fresh pastries, strawberries and some light breakfast chocolates. We ate them in bed. She read the travel section I ruffled through the style pages. She was a very well-behaved house guest.

At midday I had to rush off to a film premier and so pulled on some fancy clothes and walked the Consultant to the tube. We parted with a mwah and I said we should meet up again in the week, suggesting Friday because it was my only free day. She said she would email me.

Marriage percentage: 30% – More good frocks, amazing fun on sleep-overs and her hair looked even more beguilingly messy in the morning.

I just wish I hadn’t met her just before the New York Trip. I don’t want to string her along but also I really don’t want to have another trip to America when I am at the beginning or the end of a relationship.

At the film premier I met another girl, the date had been planned for weeks, but I still felt a bit guilty meeting up with her. The film was pretty awful but the girl was nice and had an absolutely beautiful grey coat on but sadly I doubt I’ll see her again. I don’t need another nice girl in my life just before a trip to America.

Marriage percentage: 10% – Perfectly nice but awful timing.

So it seems the path to having slightly too many suitable women around is to swear off them for a bit. If only I had known this a few months ago or at least before I’d booked flights to New York.

And yes, I am aware that this whole post is basically me saying ‘My bag of gold is too heavy’ or ‘My pet dinosaur is too much fun’.

If you have the world’s tiniest violin you might want to play it a little for me.

  1. January 31, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    Right then…
    *ahem* “I, Biscuit, swear myself off ALL girls”
    *waits for marriage proposals to roll in*

  2. February 1, 2011 at 5:31 am

    What I learned from this post:
    I still need to go see Black Swan.
    I adore Toast a little more now because he read the Style section.
    Toast will spend at least part of his time in NYC bemoaning the “Conultant”.
    I, Wicked Shawn, do NOT want to mysteriously receive the new Jimmy Choos as a gift from a non-stalker-type admirer.
    Toast does still have dates where Biscuit doesn’t randomly appear to kiss a stranger.

    My work here is complete!

  3. fleetstreetfox
    February 1, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    a) you’re EXACTLY like my ex-husband if a film about ballet makes you scared.

    b) you’re plainly world’s best post-shag person. Can you please tell all other men to slip off quietly, make tea, bring chocolates and papers to bed? Thanks.

  4. February 1, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Wicked Shawn – I hope you are wrong about the bemoaning. I really do.

    a) It has it’s jumpy moments, it’s not like I lost sleep or anything.
    b) Thanks, I may quote you on that.

  5. Sweet Bird
    February 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    My god, fresh pastries, strawberries, Black Swan and the love of messy hair? Good god, man. It’s a wonder you’re not married.

    • February 2, 2011 at 5:44 pm


      Seriously Toast, stop mentally sabotaging yourself about the New York Trip. If you happen to meet someone fabulous beforehand, it’s not doomed from the start. The Consultant sounds lovely. (points to her for using the hip flask! and the glass of water move. very sassy.)

      • February 6, 2011 at 6:03 pm

        I need to go to New York ASAP.

  6. February 3, 2011 at 1:47 am

    Not bemoaning as in lost love already, type bemoaning, more like, maybe you will miss her.

    Also, I went to see Black Swan today. Now I can’t talk to you about it because I don’t know if everyone has seen it!

  7. modestmeaghan
    February 4, 2011 at 4:42 am

    I’ve been away from wordpress for a while, but I was really betting on you being married by now.

    • February 4, 2011 at 12:23 pm

      Yes, it seems the whole thing is really much tougher than we first though. In fact, this is the longest I’ve gone without even a girlfriend since about 1998.
      Well, thankfully you’ve not missed any massively important developments at least! Welcome back!

  8. modestmeaghan
    February 4, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Thank you! Hang in there…I’m sure a woman will marry you soon! :)

    • eyebrowsofdoom
      February 4, 2011 at 11:18 pm


    • February 5, 2011 at 1:58 pm

      Cripes! When you put it like that you make me sound like forlorn puppy at the pound!
      “Maybe ONE day a family will come and take me away from here *sigh*

  1. April 23, 2011 at 11:54 am

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