Strength through gin
Saturday was a busy day and I was late for most of it.
Jess is back in London and also newly single so we had a long chat about dating. She can’t do internet dating because, well she is a bit famous and people would spot her online in seconds so she has to resort to other methods.
For example she has briefed friends over what she is looking for – hot scientists with a dash of Mark Kermode, or Jarvis Cocker about them. If you spot someone like that please let me know.
Jess is up for some speed dating type events so that could be entertaining, I can’t imagine any way that could go wrong. Oh no.
We had a lovely time looking at art, eating cake and laughing at stupid situations to do with relationships. I like art, and Norman Rockwell’s paintings were a perfect warm-up for the trip to New York.
After much cake and tea I had to rush home and prepare myself for a visit from The Consultant. So we parted ways with a few film recommendations.
The Consultant was running late which suited me fine as it gave me time to shave my face, furiously clean the kitchen and put fresh sheets on my bed.
I met the Consultant at the tube station and escorted her back to the house. She was wearing an incredibly slinky grey dress. It was breath-taking, when she took her coat off I actually gasped, which probably wasn’t very cool.
I didn’t realise that people gasped in real life. She really is alarmingly pretty.
It was actually hard to concentrate with her slinking around the kitchen. Luckily, I had been chilling some gin so I used a couple of large gin and tonics to take the edge off her looks. She had some too, although I suspect for different reasons.
Topped up with gin I was finally able to concentrate well enough to use a knife again so I set about cooking a Jamie Oliver 30 minute meal for her.
This one was based around sausages because that is what she asked for. She helped with the chopping and within about 20 minutes we were feasting on far too much lovely food. The horseradish mash was especially good, I’m definitely going to make that again.
We watched a film for a bit and then retired for the evening. At some point later we heard a shout from Biscuit as he returned from his date. I’m sure he will post about that.
The next morning The Consultant and enjoyed a relaxed lie-in, and then I gambolled off to the shop to buy blueberries, chocolate, bacon, orange juice, the Sunday papers and even a couple of glossy magazines. As you may have guessed I was in a good mood.
I returned from my successful hunter gathering and presented my spoils to The Consultant. She was pleased and we ate blueberries while flicking through magazines. She put on one of my shirts (again looking dangerously hot) and joined me in the kitchen where we had fresh blueberry muffins and crispy bacon.
At about lunch time she had to go off and meet a friend in central London. I retired back to bed.
Marriage percentage: 40% – 5 of that is just for that dress, she really is quite excellent.
* The Consultant is impressive. Really impressive, and I’m not just talking about her wardrobe.
* New York is looming in my mind, but I still want to see her more.
* I need to see what her next dress will be.
* If in doubt, have a stiff gin.