Searching for Biscuit’s ideal woman
Since we are in the Land of Opportunity (or of churros and ENORMOUS pancakes) I should sieze this chance to find my ideal woman.
Unfortunately,I’ve not really been sure what this was and it’s taken a lot dating to try and figure it out. Thankfully I have discovered that someone has been browsing the ‘Dream girl catalogue’ and has recreated ‘Biscuit’s super deluxe dream girl’ on the big screen.
I watched ‘Scott Pilgrim Vs The World’ with my mouth open in astonishment whilst Toast occasionally grinned at me with a knowing look.
In a complete realistic venture, which is not in any way doomed to failure, I am now looking for a real life equivalent of Ramona Flowers.
Seemingly, the following combination of characteristics render me utterly helpless:
- bright pink/blue/green hair
- quirkily pretty
- achingly cool
- sultry American accent
- dry, almost arid sense of humour
- wryly mysterious
- alternative/hipster stylings
- seemingly distant until you break through the shell, then affectionate and warm
- slightly troubled but fixable
- rollerskates that melt snow
- mean ninja fighting moves with a giant mallet
I’m not saying that a future spouse has to possess all or any of these qualities, just that they made me go all weak kneed and made me need a glass of cold water and a little sit down.
Unfortunately the only person I know even slightly like this lives even further away than New York and was born over a decade too late to be a possibility.
As I’ve only got a week, if any American readers can point me in the direction of real-world Ramona then I’ll put you on a great table at the wedding, one where you can see Toast singing. and give you an honarary mention in the speech.
Marriage percentage of real-world Ramona: 100%
I suppose I had better be extra nice all year if I’m going to try and swing this one with Father Christmas in December. Hell, we’re in New York for a week, I imagine I’ll probably bump into her on the street, right?