Home > Adventures in Dating > Failing to date girls that look like Zooey Deschanel

Failing to date girls that look like Zooey Deschanel


Sunday was supposed to be a multi-date day but alas things didn’t quite work out like that.

The morning date was with an interesting brunette with a fringe. This date had been planned for a few weeks.

Late on Saturday night I received the following message from her.

Hey Toast, 

Sorry but I shan’t be able to make tomorrow. Had a lot going on over the last couple of weeks and actually met someone in real life (!) who I’m kind of seeing so would feel a bit weird going on a date with someone else. 

Sorry for the late notice and hope you’re having a good weekend.

I replied wishing her well and I think I almost learned a lesson about not planning things too far in advance. I seem to have a bad track record with interesting brunettes who have fringes, although that’s probably mostly my fault.

What happened to my second date on Sunday?

That wasn’t going to be the only wash-out of the day. I was supposed to meet up with another woman but she sort of went quiet. She was all enthusiastic and then she disappeared off the face of the earth. I can only assume one of the following things happened.

1) A giant psychic squid attacked London. Luckily most people managed to escape but she was grasped by one of its mighty tenticles and dragged below the inky water of the Thames. The squid then used it’s awesome psychic powers to make all the witnesses forget about the attack. The thing left to ever prove that the lady I was going to date ever existed was a solitary damp kitten heel near Waterloo bridge.

2) It was raining. She sought refuge in a library. As the heavy rain pounded on the windows she idly walked through the shelves of books dragging her fingers along the spines. Her index finger rested on a book and she pulled it out. It was one of Nietzsche’s notebooks translated into English. She read it and was spellbound by it. Some hours later she paused, realising she was supposed to be meeting me, but she had adopted Nihilism. She dropped the book, shrugged off her coat and walked out into the street abandoning everything because it all meant nothing.

3) She was actually a con artist. The whole easy email chat and exchange of ideals was just a ruse to get information from me. This was going to be her last con before she retired to Florida for a life of ease and dolphins. On the way to meet me she saw a small boy playing with a puppy. It reminded her of who she had once been and what she used to be. She changed tube lines, hopped onto a train and by the time it was dark was in Vienna. She will live a life of simple means painting passing tourist and playing the accordion in a tiny bistro on the edge of the Wien, always watched by a a sleepy beagle called Geoffrey.

  1. MrsD
    May 11, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Number 1 sounds most likely

  2. May 11, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    MrsD – I quite liked 3, although I have a weakness for accordions.

  3. MrsD
    May 11, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    I was actually in Waterloo on Sunday. I also have rather superior psychically-induced amnesia avoidance skills so I *know* it was the squid. I have her shoe if you’d like it as something to remember her by?

  4. May 14, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Nevermind the post (number 2, obviously) but Zooey Deschanel is my biggest girl crush. Oh yeah, that just happened.

  5. L.A.
    May 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    I like the third one, especially the sleepy dog. And REALLY, Wicked Shawn? Zooey is #1? RACHEL MCADAMS.

  6. May 17, 2011 at 7:23 am

    MrsD – Yes please. It would be nice to have something to almost remember her by.

    Wicked Shawn – I’ll fight you for her.

    L.A. – The sleepy dog makes number 3 my favourite.

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