May 5th: B-Day. Does Biscuit have a girlfriend?
Some readers may have noticed that I am still overdue with posts. Some have expressed a passing interest in the outcome of the May 5th date with Jen.
As some readers may be aware, May 5th is the one day window for deciding the fate of any relationship with Jen. It’s the kind of Golidlocks zone of dating Jen: Not too keen, not too cool but just right. To mark this auspicious occasion I insisted on taking Jen out for our first dedicated dinner date. Every auspicious occasion should be marked with Mexican food.
We were due to meet Toast afterwards in a posh bar for his celebrity stalking event. It’s the kind of place that requires a higher standard of clothing that I possess so I had to go out during the day and shop for trousers and shirts. This had the bonus of meaning that I could look extra spiffing for my date too.
Jen turned up to my house looking gorgeous in a slinky black strapless dress. I said it looked like something Jessica Rabbit might wear, although I don’t think this was received in quite the way it was intended.
She gave me a postcard and brought me a present. It’s one of those ironic ones with a picture of the shit sights of a mediocre town. On the back she wrote “Dear Biscuit. We have been dating for 3 Months. I therefore get you this card. I hope you like it. Love Jen”. The present was a bird feeder shaped like a bungee jumping man on elastic. Amazing!
To my surprise and relief I managed to navigate us to a cool Mexican bar/restaurant that I’ve only been to once before. It had lots of pictures on the wall of people standing next to giant fish, marlin or something, and served chilli chocolate enchiladas. Even more to my surprise they had a free table for two just ready for us. This was serendipity rather than planning, but it still looked pretty good.
Food turned up really quickly but we could have sat giggling and yakking for ages, partly about what we would do if we had a giant marlin. Despite the ease of conversation I was looking for an opening.
Once we had finished our meal there was a lull so I slipped my hand into my pocket…
“Soooo….. since this is our 3 month anniversary of dating… do youuuuu…. want to be my…. girlfriend??”
I handed her the plastic ring I got from a Kinder Egg which was in the shape of a hand. Jen beamed back at me and said “yes! I’d like that very much!”.
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!
Then she broke the ring.
…having promptly reassembled the token of my affection, she dicovered that it actually opened and revealed an ink stamp that said “Hola”. Somehow this seemed poetic.
Drinking Booze from Treasure Chests
As he mentioned, the evening started off very dubiously, with us hovering by the bar and spending way too much on exploding cocktails. Since MY GIRLFRIEND and I both had to be at work the next morning we were planning on taking it easy and chipping off before too late.
Then the booze tuned up. I distinctly remember shouting “LET’S GET C***ED!!!!”
In return for engineering a situation with masses of alcohol, I spent the night wingmanning Toast. Every now and then he would pop up, collect more balloon sculptures and disappear again. To my disbelief his plan seemed to be working… but he’s covered that already.
In all, it was a great night with my new girlfriend, even though though we were both very drunk until about mid day.
Marriage percentage – 61% …and to summarise, for anyone who has not noticed, I do have an actual girlfriend.