Home > Adventures in Dating > Serbian Wedding: Part 1 The Meatening

Serbian Wedding: Part 1 The Meatening

September 13, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments


The day of the wedding arrived. I was nervous and tired in equal measure.

This was mostly due to getting drunk the night before the trip instead of packing. I started off carefully picking out my outfits and finding my flip-flops and then I accidentally poured a lot of  cider in my mouth.

I don’t know how it happened, I also ended up mysteriously playing computer games with Biscuit. The Theatre Producer arrived and wasn’t as impressed by the progress Biscuit and I had made on Borderlands as we had hoped.

I wasn’t that packed in the morning. I’m not saying I wasn’t packed at all, I just wasn’t as packed as I could have been.

The Trip

The flight was super early at City Airport, we were early for it because I’m bad at being late. We were like zombies, ones that smelled faintly of cider.

Check in didn’t take long and soon we had nothing to do apart from eat too much breakfast and think about all the items I’d forgotten to pack. Honestly it’s not such a big deal, I mean who really needs shoes anyway?*

We had to connect in Switzerland to another flight. There isn’t much to say about it apart from Swiss Air give you a chocolate before landing and quite a lot of leg room. Two flights, two chocolates. WINNING AT LIFE.

Serbia (Fuck yeah)

Serbia was HOT when we landed. It was proper summer hot, not like ‘oh gosh I could probably get away without wearing a jumper, what what?’ but ‘OH MY GOD I’M ON FIRE’ hot.

Actually it wasn’t that bad, I just suddenly found myself regretting my choice of cardigan even if it did have sexy leather elbow patches. I am sad for Serbia that they didn’t get to see me wearing that as much.

A man with an excellent moustache was waiting for us at the airport and took us to the hotel for free. My opinion of Serbia (already good after their strong Eurovision entries) was rising all the time.

The Hotel

The hotel was nice. It was on the far side of Belgrade, functional and clean.We had a room with a balcony and an en-suit mosquito**.

We dropped our bags off, shouted at each other about how we were on holiday and that was exciting (god knows what the people in the room next to us thought) and then went off in search for food.

The food quest didn’t go well. We found a shop that sold pencils, one that sold academic books and a cafe that didn’t do meals. We thought about trying to survive on pencils (the coloured ones have flavour right?) but instead got some funny shaped crisps (Hurrah for weird Euro-snacks) and walked sadly back to the hotel.

It was when we were about 30% through the crisps that we noticed the rather large and  swish restaurant that we had cunningly ignored before.

So we did the sensible thing. We hid around the corner eating crisps until we were finished and then walked in.


The Theatre Producer asked politely if the serving lady spoke English, she replied ‘of course’ and then sat us down in the corner. The restaurant had a big outside bit with sprays that pumped out water to lower the temperature a bit.

We ordered some bubbles and quite a lot of food. Far too much food really. We had a starter which was smoked meats and cheeses and then they brought out more food.

Serbians like meat. They really like meat, a lot of it. We bravely ate through it while  Sealed with a Kiss (the Serbian version of course) played on an endless loop.

I’m going to recreate that for you by typing in Sealed with a Kiss every now and then so you get the experience.

After the starter (which we shared) we were full. Not just ‘oh gosh I’m fine, no I won’t eat another biscuit’ but ‘PLEASE KILL ME NOW’. I didn’t want to eat any more.

Sealed with a Kiss

More food arrived.

Sealed with a Kiss

The Theatre Producer had a turkey and cheese thing that had four turkey breasts in it I had a sort of chicken Kiev. One where everything that wasn’t meat had been replaced with pork.

Sealed with a Kiss

It was some meat, wrapped in a sort of purse made out of some other meat, with a meaty sauce and some meat on the side. It was also huge, bigger than my head.

It was meaty.

Sealed with a Kiss

A band turned up and were about to play for us, but more food appeared so they went away again. The band was mostly made of accordion players. Everyone in Serbia can play the accordion, fact***.

Since they didn’t play for us the restaurant helpfully played Sealed with a Kiss again.

We carried on chomping through our food. I felt felt so full that my stomach was tight, but we couldn’t leave any food behind, otherwise our Serbian hosts would have thought less of us. Brits are made of sterner stuff.

We ate on, Sealed with a Kiss.

There was a long period of very slow eating, with a lot of wheezing and sipping of wine. I had a plan, if I got drunk the pain of being so full would be reduced and I could eat more. It didn’t work.

Eventually we gave up, paid about £1.26**** for the meal (Sealed with a Kiss) and wobbled back to the hotel.

We then fell asleep, it was about 7pm. Rock and roll.

To be continued…

*I had packed some shoes.

**Or some other insect that would bite us during the night.

***Not actual fact.

**** Roughly

  1. Pants-Girl
    September 13, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    After a VERY stressful day I genuinely cried with laughter reading this! I’ll never think badly of another mozzie in my life – an ensuite mosquito, fabulous!

    Trip sounds great so far Toast :D

  2. September 15, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Pants-Girl – Comments like that make my week. Thank you :P

  1. September 14, 2011 at 12:11 pm
  2. September 15, 2011 at 2:06 pm
  3. September 19, 2011 at 1:01 pm
  4. March 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s