Home > Adventures in Dating > Serbian Wedding: Part 2 Nikola Tesla’s amazing house of DO NOT TOUCH

Serbian Wedding: Part 2 Nikola Tesla’s amazing house of DO NOT TOUCH

September 14, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments


The Theatre Producer and had eaten ourselves into a stupor the day before. An actual stupor. Previously I had never eaten so much that it had lowered my I.Q. I have to say I was a little bit proud.

In Serbia the meat eats you!

This day was going to be different, oh yes. No more podge for us! We had a day to hang about in Serbia and see the sights and by jove we were going to see them!

The first sight we saw was the breakfast bar.

I resolved to only eat a couple of bits of melon and perhaps half a prune.

This resolve lasted until I saw the selection of excellent pastries they had available. Damn you pastries and your seductive call.

The sour cherry ones were a bit of a disappointment (but I had three just to check) but the apple and cinnamon ones were amazing.

I remember them fondly and occasionally look at photos of them while listening to sad music. Goodbye my friends…

With breakfast out-of-the-way we decided to go and explore the sights of the White City. There are basically two things to see in Belgrade.

A Huge Castle

In the middle of the city is a massive castle, it’s like properly gigantic.

It’s well old and pretty smashed up but enough of it remains to make you wish you’d packed a wooden sword and shield. It’s free to get in and the only thing to stop you climbing all over it is a sign saying you might die, which everyone ignores.

In the middle of a castle is basically a park, so you can walk among the trees admiring the tiny lizards and looking over the two mighty rivers that meet in Belgrade. There is also an ice cream van, and that isn’t even the best bit.

The castle is full of tanks! Mostly World War 2 tanks, but ones in all shapes and sizes. If you like looking at tanks (me) this will keep you amused for a very long time trying to pick your best tank.

After you’ve looked at tanks a lot you can go to a little cafe (I’m v glad the castle’s builders realised visitors would need refreshments) and have an ice-cold drink.

Everyone in Serbia drinks Bitter Lemon as their soft drink of choice, so if you order it you feel all cosmopolitan and Eurasian. Yeah, I’m totes a local don’t you know.

There is also a mock-Tudor house in the park at the top of the castle too. I don’t know what that was about but since it wasn’t a tank I didn’t care.

To surmise: Tanks = awesome, weird mock-Tudor houses = mega lame.

Oh and there are some mines and torpedoes to look at too. We wandered around for quite a while admiring canons and things that go bang. The Theatre Producer even picked her favourite cannon, it was terribly romantic.

For some reasons some of the moats of the castle have been filled in with tennis courts, I assume filled in, I can’t imagine they would have served much of deterrent to invaders when the castle was functional, unless the invaders were terribly polite.

‘Take the castle!’

‘We can’t Sir, they are in the middle of a game of tennis.’

‘Tennis? This is war!’

‘But Sir, they are half way through a set!’

‘Oh, okay Crispin, wait till they change ends and then we will run past quietly, see if you can steal a ball too.’

After looking at the castle we had lunch in the ‘touristy area’ of Belgrade.

This is a special area with, well some restaurants and some shops that pretend to sell pirate costumes but don’t actually and make people like Toast very angry. If you don’t sell pirate gear, don’t put it in the window. I HATE THEM.

One of The Theatre Producer’s male friends and I sat down and had a beer while TP and her lady chum bought more earrings. I got a little bit drunk.

I am blaming this drunkenness on the fact I ended up buying an authentic pair of ‘Bay Ran’ sunglasses from a man with a bum bag.

I think he must have been some sort of shop-owner that had got lost and couldn’t find his shop, to explain why he had lots of sunglasses for sale that he was trying to get rid of cheap.

We ate lunch. I don’t know how I managed it, but I stuffed lots of food in my face once more and proudly waddled off to the second thing to see in Belgrade.

Nikola Tesla’s house

If you don’t know about Nikola Tesla, he is a dude. Like proper cool. Go and read about some clever stuff he said and the amazing inventions he came up with.

David Bowie played him in a film once and everything.

Nikola was from Serbia and his house has been converted into a museum. You can see his experiments. If you time it right (on the hour or at half past) there are tours where his fantastical devices are fired up for your amusement and wonder.

Time it wrongly, like just miss the tour and be with people who don’t want to hang around for another half an hour waiting, and you in a room of exciting looking brass and wood things that you MUST NOT TOUCH.


It wasn’t that good, but I’m sure it can be good, you know given the chance.

Eating massive trainers

We went back to the hotel, quite tired and took a nap. When we woke up we went to the restaurant in the hotel and had supper.

It was very strange. The Theatre Producer had a long bit of pork that sort of looked like the sole of a giant’s shoe. She said it was nice, I think she was lying or trying to impress the waitress (or the giant who had donated the shoe).

I had a kebab thingy with lots of cucumber. It was basically some meat on a plate. Most Serbian meals are like that.

The meal was nice, I like eating outside and the couple behind us were swearing in French in an amusing way. Oh those crazy French eh?

Since we are brave explorers who live life to the max, we ordered a bottle of the local wine.

It was, well after the second bottle it was pretty okay. It definitely tasted very winey. Yes, it was white and tasted of winey grapes. I told the waitress this and she was clearly impressed by my knowledge of fancy wines.

We retired for the evening, quite drunk.

The next day some people were going to get married so we needed to be ready for that.

Read Part 1 on the Serbian Holiday with The Theatre Producer

  1. eyebrowsofdoom
    September 14, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    I LOVE this story telling. Whilst you don’t mention her awesomeness constantly (TP – wanna have a word about that?) The way you’re telling it as such an adventure reflects very sweetly on the pair of you.

  2. TheatreProducer
    September 15, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    eyebrowsofdoom :
    Whilst you don’t mention her awesomeness constantly (TP – wanna have a word about that?)

    Well, I wasn’t going to say anything but now that you mention it yes, I think the number of times it’s stated how awesome I am could increase. On this blog and in all walks of life.

    (this is my first time commenting and I fear to do so criticising the level of compliments I receive is probably dirty pool. But, you know, whatevs).

  3. September 15, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Eyebrows – Don’t give her ideas. Oh look you have.

  1. September 15, 2011 at 2:06 pm
  2. September 19, 2011 at 1:01 pm
  3. March 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

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