Serbian Wedding: Part 4 a review of the Square Nine Hotel in Belgrade
The day after the wedding we had to all check out. Most people were going home but we’d decided to stay an extra day and to stay in a place with a pool. I’d really wanted to do some swimming while on holiday. The Theatre Producer couldn’t find anywhere with an outdoor pool in Belgrade so we ended up booking a room in the Square Nine Hotel.
After we’d packed up our stuff and checked out the wedding party went to a restaurant in Belgrade for a ‘brunch’. You know a light meal, before disappeared into the sunset.
The restaurant was on a cobbled street in Belgrade that was full of other places to eat and looked very pretty. We ate upstairs, the walls were retractable so it was like eating a tree-house. One with an in-exhaustible supply of food.
We were served the classic Serbian starter of meat and cheese. It was lovely and accompanied with a glass of excellent red wine (holiday wine always tastes the best).
After the starter we were all full and enjoying the wine so of course our hosts appeared with more meats and vegetables. We tried to eat as much as possible but after a weekend of Serbian eating we were struggling. At least there were only three meats, so that was a saving grace.
When the brunch was done we waddled around saying goodbyes before heading off in search of our new hotel which appeared to be only a few streets away.
Luggage in tow we rattled down some very pretty streets. We would have got entirely lost too if The Theatre Producer couldn’t read the Cyrillic alphabet. We had a rough map in English but the street signs were in Cyrillic. I don’t know how to pronounce the little one that looks like triangle on a picnic table or any of that.
After not getting lots at all we found the hotel. It was a new build on the outside, looking a bit smarter and more planned than the rest of the buildings in the square.
Square Nine Hotel
We walked in. It was all hushed and softly lit like an episode of the West Wing. We spoke to a very polite man on reception who whispered in reply to our questions. Well ‘don’t tell anyone this’ type whispers but ‘Very good sir, I don’t want to speak any louder for fear of straining your eardrums unduly’
The room was on the third floor and was amazing. Lots of clean lines and soft furnishings. I have never dived on a more comfortable bed or been more jealous of a writing area ever. There was even one of those leather place setting things for you to write your great American novel on, well not on, you know to put the paper on.
There were also a lot of buttons to control the different lighting levels, the curtains and the James Bond villain-esq black-out blinds. It would be fair to say they got a fairly extensive test while The Theatre Producer was having a shower. It was like a sedate disco.
The Theatre Producer was raving about the shower, which was like turning a monsoon off or on, but sadly our bathroom was being a bit naughty and not draining properly. We called reception and they immediately put us in a new room with a bed that hadn’t been jumped on and gave us each chocolates to eat.
Post chocolates I went down to have a swim in the pool below the hotel. It was the best pool I’ve ever been too for the following reasons.
- The moment I arrived a very polite man gave me a dressing gown to wear.
- And some shoes.
- No-one else was there.
- The pool was underground but there was a skylight. Amazing.
- There were funny devices at the edge of the pool for eating up the waves so it was the least splashy pool I had ever been in.
- There was a gym bit too, I played with the weights and then played the pool again.
- And a jacuzzi, one made out of wood so it was like boiling yourself in a bucket.
- There was also a steam room. I lasted ten minutes before I gave up.
- The super fluffy towels were stored what looked like a pirate treasure chest
The journey home
- Serbians eat a lot of meat
- There isn’t that much to do in Belgrade, but it is nice
- If in doubt, order the Black Forest Gateau
- Going on holiday with a girl isn’t always a disaster