The greatest fear
I’ve done some pretty scary things in my life, I’ve performed stand-up comedy in front of a large hostile crowd. I’ve faced down charging animals and I’ve been in a sports car that was spinning out of control.
None of these compare to the terror of a 2-year-old’s birthday party in a ‘adventure zone’.
I’d been invited to The Theatre Producer’s nephews birthday party to meet her parents.
The adventure zone was fine, it was full of soft things and tunnels to climb through. That I can deal with, if anything I admired the decorations and thought about mention them to Biscuit for a possible redesign of our house.
The scary thing was the waves, no, swarms of dwarf-humans charging around. They weren’t angry, they just needed to see everything, and touch everything, while shouting.
They bounced off walls, sneezed on each other and glared at us adults blankly before charging off into tunnels again. It was scary.
After a bout of tunnel running there was a feast for the children of biscuits and sandwiches.
Cake also featured an imaginatively designed cake that looked like a train. It was very impressive. So impressive that the little ones demanded a slice each, which they would then lose or rub in another dwarve’s face before returning and demanding more cake. All the while being followed by an exhausted looking grown-up. Well not really a grown-up any more, a sort of ghost with an exhausted face.
Most were too tired to even talk to each other. The Theatre Producer’s nephew seemed okay, he waved at me once. I think that’s how human-dwarves show approval, I’m not sure.
I only met The Theatre Producer’s family briefly, any time someone was about to talk a dwarf would need something done and so I was left only just about knowing what they looked like and possibly, some of their names. Possibly.
They did seem nice though and a vague plan was made for lunch at a later date.
Lesson learned: I am not ready for kids.