Home > Adventures in Dating > Wedding planning for morons

Wedding planning for morons


I wasn’t good at dating, or meeting suitable girls, and now it turns out I’m not very good at wedding planning either. Oh well at least I am quite good at carrying heavy things and eating chips.

Previously I had thought I was super easy going and didn’t care about anything about you, know, winning the bet. *ahem* I mean marrying my darling fiancée, but it turns out I’m quite picky.

We’ve looked at a lot of wedding venues now. Whole weekends have been spent stomping around country homes, museums and even slightly rubbish castles while a salesperson talks to you about seat cover options or maximum capacity numbers. That bit isn’t fun, but it’s over now because we’ve got a venue booked in and a date.

Here is what I have learned

  • It is expensive, I’ve had to force myself to not think of the wedding in terms of motorcycles we could have bought because it breaks my heart.
  • Things I don’t want: A bland function room, feeling like I’m in someone else’s house, a tiny dance floor.
  • Things TP doesn’t want: A tent, seat covers, me to dress as a spider.
  • There is a fun bit later on where you have an evening of ‘testing food’ for the ceremony. I can’t wait for that.
  • Putting a deposit down on a venue makes this feel even more real than buying a ring. It’s really happening.
  • Some people book their weddings three years in advance. THREE YEARS! We could be ruled by robots by then.
  • Or sharks.
  • You can hire ice-cream bikes, jugglers and even choirs but even if you’re thinking of using a military museum for your wedding they won’t let you play on the tanks or hold a musket.
  • Don’t even bother asking about having an axe fight on the day.
  • It’s very hard to resist doing a stupid theme, not that stupid themes are out it’s just there about three dozen we want to try.
  • Choosing who to invite is hard, especially with couples because that instantly doubles the number.
  • Also while working on the list you get strange urges to invite people just because they gave you extra chips or let your cross at the traffic lights. At the current rate we are likely to have a table just of people who have served me nice coffee.
  • Deciding that you’re not going to invite members of your extended family because they are awful is lovely. I can’t recommend it enough.
  • All brides have spreadsheets of information on venues and they trade them.
  • Apparently the system is you get a rough list together, then venue hunt and then choose a date. Then you do nothing for a while until it gets closer to the time.
  • We’re sort of at that bit now.
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