Last night there was a small gathering of some of the regular characters on the blog. MyLoveLifeInYourHands was around with the visiting Marni (also known as Blossom on this blog), FleetStreetFox was celebrating her birthday and some of the Schwingalong Girls were out.
I had invited the Theatre Producer along too. We were going a fancy pants party, but it didn’t start till later so we joined the gang in a pub for a few drinks before the bash.
There was a lot of giggling. The girls were all exceedingly well dressed, lots of floaty dresses, power pencil skirts and some-what optimistically shorts. Optimistic because the weather hasn’t been exactly great.
Everyone got on very well.
The whole affair was terribly pleasant, but also had a hint of MyLoveLifeInYourHands and I presenting girls we like to Her Royal Foxyness for judgement.
I had tried to get Biscuit to appear too with Jen (who has already been fox-judged) but he made up some rubbish excuses.
After a few drinks the Theatre Producer and I walked over to our swanky party. There was free champagne and a BBQ with proper grown-up food. Not tiny canapés. This was a very pleasant surprise and so we set about eating and drinking slightly too much while playing ‘Is that a famous person?’
While we were playing this game the bar ran out of pink champagne, so we had to slum it and switch to normal coloured champagne. Tough times.
Some time later we went back to the Theatre Producers place, which incidentally is a proper grown-ups house rather than the ‘Lost Boys nest’ that Biscuit and I live in.
She gave me the presents she’d got me in America, they were all silly, pointless and lovely. The stand-out items were three water-pistols that were shaped like dinosaurs. She said she’d got three so she, Biscuit and I could use them at the same time. I thought that was unbelievably sweet.
We chatted, I was given the guided tour and ended up staying the night.
The next morning I quizzed her on important facts. I’d already decided that I wanted her to be my girlfriend so I was just clearing up some final details which included her views on white chocolate, avocados, robots and David Bowie’s trousers in Labyrinth.
She passed all the questions and so I asked her, “So Theatre Producer, will you be my totally awesome girlfriend?’
She said yes. She also said that she’d never been properly asked out like that before. Men of the world, up your game.
When she was out of the room making me a cup of tea I punched the air and said ‘Yesssssssssss’.
Marriage percentage: 56% – Steadily rising.
Biscuit should start looking decidedly nervous if he has any sense.
It was our final day in New York, well half a day.
Out flight was early in the afternoon so we had time to be hung over, make polite conversation with Biscuit’s new house guest and clean the apartment before we left.
I decided to take advantage of the online check-in facilities before we set off for the airport.
I logged in, entered my details and saw a very surprising number.
Our flight wasn’t for another day.
I don’t know how it happened, but for some reason we had convinced ourselves that our flight was on Sunday. It wasn’t, it was on Monday. We are morons.
There was a lot of loud confused conversation and some laughter.
Then logic kicked in. It would cost more than a hotel room to move our flights a day and thus Bonus Day was born. A whole extra day in New York
Biscuit frantically called the lady who we were renting the apartment off to see if we could get the place for an extra day. She didn’t answer her phone. Between her calling back and us digging out our booking details we discovered that we had the flat for the day anyway. He had to explain to her on the phone that we were berks, but she took it well.
A whole extra day in New York! I had to make a quick call to my work to arrange another day of cover and then we were all good to go. A whole day of doing what ever we wanted.
We set off into the lovely sun, it was still cold but not freezing. Since it was Bonus day we went and took the free ferry that goes past the Statue of Liberty. It was rather impressive, the ferry and the statue. We ate some exciting new street food. I don’t know who first thought of putting a hot-dog inside a pretzel but they deserve a medal.
On the ferry MyLifeInYourHands and I quizzed Biscuit about his girl situation he said he liked all of the girls a lot and couldn’t choose between them so we asked him a series of hypothetical questions to find out which one he should marry. I’m sure he will share some of these questions in a future post. He told us off for a couple of them so they must be good.
After the ferry ride we picked up some booze and headed to a house party that a British friend of mine was hosting. We got drunk with slightly grumpy Brits for a bit, I was amazed that they could be leaving in New York and be grumpy but there you go.
Later on in the evening the group split up. Biscuit went off to see one of his girls and MyLifeInYourHands went off to see Blossom. I stayed with my chums who de-grumped and we went to Soho House to watch the Oscars. It was a lovely final night in New York. I drank too much gin.
The trip had been everything we’d hoped and nothing like we’d expected.
I had really enjoyed it but was exhausted by the constant drinking and misadventures.
Also there was a part of me that really wanted to get back to London to see the Consultant and find out if she liked the fancy underwear I had bought for her from Victoria’s Secret…
Friday in New York, New York was almost Friday in Reno, Nevada. After MyLoveLifeInYourHands dashed off to Washington DC for reasons only understood by him, I felt inspired to pursue a similarly whimsical folly. So, goaded into action by the other two, I attempted to jet off to the other side of the country for hangouts (not sexy hangouts, just hangouts) with a pink-haired girl I’m chums with as a result of too many hours online Xbox play. Sadly I was foiled by a sudden increase in airfare so I was left with the slightly more sensible, but no less enjoyable, option of another night in NYC.
As Toast mentioned, we met Blossom and her chums for another drink. As with last time I was not exac ly on top form but was also sat on the end of a long table and all the conversation was directed away from me. This meant that, in combination with the background music and being a deafo, I basically couldn’t follow any of what was being said and so resigned myself to appearing antisocial.
When more of Blossom’s friends turned up I found myself sat opposite a girl with a lovely soft accent and next to the man who lived in a car (who I thought he was quite interesting) who had both turned up together. I assumed they were an item and so made great pains to chat to the car man so he did not think I was hitting on his lady.
After a bit, however, I got the distinct impression that they weren’t together at all. The girl was explaining to me exactly what a midwestern accent was. Apparently it’s so bizarre that the people in the American meeja never let the outside world hear it as I had NEVER heard this accent before. Thankfully it was very soft in her speech as she had lost the most obvious elements and sounded delicious. As she was talking to me I realised she was leaning forward a little, making lots of eye contact and playing with her hair a little.
I also realised that she had very kissable lips.
‘The Midwesterner’ was very sharp with her witticisms but also very kind in nature and had quite an interesting and responsible job. Conversation with her more than made up for whatever I appeared to be missing out on at the other end of the table. She also had a beautifully soft face with a kind smile and keenly intelligent eyes.
I opted to keep her company for a smoke under the guise that the place was too warm and making me sleepy. In truth however I was intrigued and wanted to know more about her.
I decided we would get married when she declared ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ is by far the best Star Wars film. I said I loved New York and wanted to be able to stay and she said that she quite fancied spending her 30s in England.
This marriage announcement took even Toast a little by surprise.
Having decided that we would get married, we spent the rest of the night demonstrating our spousal qualities. The Midwesterner was proving to be a supportive wife and I excelled at hunter gathering by bringing a gallon of cider and huge platter of meat. There were many more details that I would love to relate to you but the gallon of cider has not helped my memory at all.
Toast thought that he had the scoop of the evening when he slyly papped a picture of us holding hands under the table, however we had already snuck a kiss in the meat queue. Hee hee!
Toast asked “so, are you going to get married then?”. I thought for a second and coyly grinned back “yes”. I later confessed to Toast that I would have gone to a 24 hour marriage place if there had been one nearby as it seemed like the most perfectly impulsive thing to do.
After a few hours of giggling, comparing life priorities and sharing cider we decided that we would actually rather go somewhere else so that we would not feel so guilty kissing at the table. Saying our goodbyes to the rest of the crowd we walked hand in hand to The Midwesterner’s place.
Some things happened but they were between a husband and wife. They were very lovely things though and I would be very pleased if she were were my wife.
In the morning I was sad to say goodbye as I knew that the likelihood is that I wouldn’t see her again that holiday and she is so lovely. I took her number and hope to stay in contact. It’s not totally unfeasible that either of us will be in the same place again in the not too distant future.
Maybe we should arrange a trip to Vegas? Star Wars wedding?
Marriage percentage 50%, though I suspect this would only go up if we spent more time together. Despite the distance, I wouldn’t say she is off the cards.
It was Friday so we decided to see some more sights in Manhattan and then meet up with a few people in the evening.
MyLoveLifeInYourHands wanted to see as many people as possible so the evening was mapped out very carefully.
We ‘grabbed a slice’ before wandering around looking faintly lost while we tried to find the bar. After only a couple of wrong turns we found the right place
Blossom was there with one of her male chums we had met before. It was a classy place and everyone was drinking wine which felt strangely sophisticated compared to the events of the last week.
One bottle turned into a few. More fun people turned up and soon we were bring pressed pretty hard to stay with them and go to a BBQ place for supper.
Biscuit had made a new friend, they went out for a smoke (him was just keeping her company) and when they came back they announced they were getting married.
In light of this big announcement we gave in and ambled over to the BBQ place. I got some booze and MyLoveLifeInYourHands waited in the queue for food with Blossom chatting away.
Once we had some drinks we (the other chums) had to hang around waiting for a free table for us to take. It was like musical chairs but while carrying a gallon of cider. Musical chairs should always be played with a gallon of cider.
Eventually we grabbed a big enough table just before MyLoveLifeInYourHands ordered. It was perfect timing really.
There was a mass scrum to sit down and I ended up sat in the corner, next to Biscuit and his new wife.
They were secretly holding hands under the table, which made me suspect that their ‘marriage’ had a bit more too it than just a throw-away joke.
I’ve known Biscuit for a while but I’ve never seen him move so fast, they had known each other for hours. I think we can all guess which way this story is going.
Opposite me were MyLoveLifeInYourHands and Blossom who had been glued at the hip all evening. I was right on the end so I ended up having a conversation with a man with a massive beard, and then sitting in silence. It was an evening of awkward moments.
Biscuit and his new friend had started snogging at the table. Marcy turned up with some other people and apologised for texting while drunk last time we were out.
Everyone had finished stuffing amazing meat in their mouths so we stumbled on to another bar for more drinks.
The crowd thinned out a bit and so I was left making awkward conversation with a man who lived in a car while MyLoveLifeInYourHands and Blossom chatted away furiously. Biscuit and his ‘wife’ left for ‘a walk’ and we didn’t see them again for the rest of the evening.
We went onto another bar because it had old arcade machines. The crowd thinned some more.
Blossom and MyLoveLifeInYourHands were playing games with each other on the machines. I was struggling to keep the conversation going with the ‘living in the car guy’. There is only so much you can talk about the freedom of the open road and getting good miles to the gallon on your house.
This went on for a while before I thought I’d just bow out and get a cab home. I said goodbye to MyLoveLifeInYourHands and Blossom and jumped in a cab. I didn’t see MyLoveLifeInYourHands until the next day either.
The cab dropped me off at the end of our block and I got to witness a rolling street fight between a group of youths. It was quite exciting. I was a bit worried at first, I was drunk, wearing a waistcoat and a pink tie but they acted as if I was a ghost and just ignored me.
It had been another exciting evening, although one where I had felt a bit like a third wheel. I think I should have gone into Soho, but regrets are for other people.
The chaps had fun and I did get to swig from a gallon jug of cider so in balance I’d call that a win.
During the day New York continued to amaze and impress us.
We played on the giant piano from Big ($250,000 if you want your own), ate knishes (I’m going to miss them) and had conversations with complete strangers (about all sorts of things).
In the evening I’d arranged to do a ‘trivia night’ (pub quiz) with another girl off OkCupid, one that I’d been speaking to for a month or so.
Biscuit and I arrived at the pub early. It was called Common Ground and was pleasingly New Yorky. It had a long wide bar with polished rails and some tellys showing sports. When we arrived it was empty so we took up a place by the bar and ordered some beers.
I emailed the girl to say that we were early and to just say hello when she got in. Twenty minutes later I got a message back saying she was there. We turned around and they were sat behind us. She had brought a chum along.
The girl looked like a far more glamorous version of Blossom from the hit 90s TV show Blossom. Except she was wearing the regulation New York uniform of all black. Her chum looked exactly, I mean exactly, like a younger version of Marcy from Californication. She was also wearing black.
We had a few drinks, talked about places to visit. They were impressed by the bar that Biscuit and I had been to for second lunch and suggested a couple more places for us to go.
Some of ‘Blossom’s’ chums turned up for the pub quiz who were all excellent fellows apart from one of them, who was acting a bit weirdly and kept having whispery conversations with ‘Marcy’ at the bar.
Biscuit made balloon shapes for everyone to wear, which went down really well. Soon our entire team were sporting a range of balloon hats, glasses and swords.
Just before the quiz started, MyLoveLifeInYourHands turned up. There was a huge cheer and he told us all about his trip to DC. We got more drinks in and settled into the quiz. Blossom moved so she was stood next to MyLoveLifeInYourHands and they chatted away.
We did pretty well at the quiz until there was a round on Baseball and we walked out in protest over that.
Also we wanted to get some food. The slightly grumpy friend had left at this point, but was having a long text conversations with Marcy, who was ruinously drunk.
The next bar was a painfully cool jazz place. We sat on a low table. I was next to Marcy, who was constantly lit up by the screen of her phone and MyLoveLifeInYourHands was sat next to Blossom.
Biscuit was sat in front of us all and fading fast. I’ve never seen someone go from normal to broken so fast.
We ordered drinks and then were told that the kitchen was closed. We drank the drinks. MyLoveLifeInYourHands quizzed Marcy about the constantly texting.
Apparently the grumpy friend was sort of seeing her but had felt really threatened by three bumbling British types, yes the mind boggles, and so had stormed off into the night.
After the drinks we grabbed a cab home. Cabs are way cheaper in New York.
Marriage percentage: 10%, she was fun, but I suspect she has designs on MyLoveLifeInYourHands…