Who is Toast?

Toast, well not really but this blog has to be a bit secret so it works.

Age: 31

Occupation: Writer

Dating history:

2011 – 2011: ‘The Consultant’
Started off well, went wonky the moment Toast and her were officially an item. Would invite Toast over for booty visits and then got paranoid it was just about sex. Would deal with any issue by being grumpy and silent. Dumped Toast via text. Had nice dresses.

2010 – 2010: ‘Fez’
Started off well, but sort of fizzled out. It was dragged out a bit because we didn’t get to see each other that much so it took a while for things to break. Also she got very angry if I didn’t call her every day, and text her a dozen times, and send her emails. Made good pies.

2010 – 2010: ‘The Dressmaker’
Ill advised office affair, Toast would have liked it to be more but things didn’t work out like that. While he was on assignment she went on some dates and it never really recovered. There was a messy break-up and she still messages him slightly creepy things like ‘I saw you today’. This was when Toast realised he really did have awful taste in women.

2008 – 2010: ‘Blonde’
Lovely girl, a friend who he started seeing. They drifted apart because of his new job. Toast is still sad about this but it’s probably for the best. Sometimes being great friends isn’t enough.

2007 – 2007: ‘The Columbian
Complicated woman to say the least. The first, and only girl Toast has ever lived with. This relationship fell to pieces when Toast’s dad died. She was not a terribly nice person and even worse she got to keep the beautiful flat Toast had got for mates rates.

2005 – 2006 ‘Rockchick’
Aspiring musican, was intense and then fell to pieces. Not really a relationship more of a fling.

– 2004 ‘misc’
A few relationships but nothing really that long or significant. Toast worked in London for a magazine and so used to go to lots of parties and events so he has been on lots and lots of dates. He tries not to think about how he is so single after having met so many girls.

Key weaknesses:
Tall brunettes with striking features and a slightly fiery attitude. Toast is aware that ‘a slightly fiery attitude’ is often code for ‘total mental bitch’.

  1. The B
    February 10, 2010 at 6:36 pm


    Can there be some kind of system where we can gamble actual dirty cash?

    • Toast
      February 10, 2010 at 6:42 pm

      Ooh, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll see if we can arrange that.

  2. L.A.
    November 12, 2010 at 4:33 pm


    take with a grain of salt. he’s a horrible person but a hilarious writer.

    also. he’s more…laidordead, than wedordead. Which is clearly less clever and admirable
    1. because it’s not a very nice ending like a wedding.
    2. because it doesn’t rhyme.

    • November 27, 2010 at 10:45 am

      L.A. Ah yes, he is working a very different angle, but I did laugh at some of his stuff.

      • L.A.
        November 29, 2010 at 9:08 pm

        the man gave up his soul to be humorous.

  3. dannimagowan
    April 14, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    haha ‘made good pies’

    • April 15, 2011 at 10:52 am

      Well they were good pies. I miss them.

  4. Amelia
    April 26, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Fancy a date with a brunette, fiesty, but not a total mental bitch?

    • April 26, 2011 at 2:47 pm

      Yes. Although dating readers seems a bit unfair because you know exactly what we are thinking. So it’s like you have telepathic powers.

  5. January 31, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    God heavens. You make MyLifeYourHands seem sane by comparison… Any thoughts on why you’re preternaturally drawn to mentalists?? [boggle]

  1. August 20, 2010 at 11:44 am
  2. January 8, 2011 at 4:05 am
  3. July 8, 2011 at 2:28 pm
  4. October 17, 2012 at 11:44 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s